This Time by Kristin Leigh Page B

was good practice for using his prosthetic, but he was damned tired of being in pain. He was tired of this woman picking his brain and making him talk about how he felt. Mike was angry, and even though he wasn’t going to admit it aloud, he was scared. What if Madelynn rejected him? What if Tara rejected him? What was he going to do with a fake leg? What kind of job would he get? He was a SEAL, a man of action. Not an office drone. His future looked alternately bleak and bright.
    Then there were the dreams. He’d wake up screaming and only remember bits and pieces of the dream. When he was awake, he had flashes of memory that were so real he thought he’d been thrown back in time.
    “Maybe I don’t want to remember it. Maybe you’re dragging all these memories up when they should be left alone.”
    Dr. Walters took her glasses off and looked at him sternly. “Chief Davis…”
    “Mike.” He interrupted. “I’ve been medically retired. I’m not Chief Davis anymore. I’m just Mike now.”
    She nodded in acceptance. “Okay then. Mike. The reason we want you to remember is so that you can deal with these flashes and dreams now. Isn’t it better to drag them up than to let it fester for years? Eventually, they will come back on their own, and you have no control over when or where they will occur. By learning to deal with them now, we’re conditioning you to deal with them more effectively in the future.” She paused and let him think about that for a moment. She continued gently, “You’ve told me you have a daughter. It’s not a good idea for you to cope with this on your own around a child. If you let me, I can help you manage the flashbacks so you can move past this and concentrate on your daughter. Do you understand my concern with discharging you in this condition?”
    Mike nodded, reluctantly admitting she was right. Mean old hag. Just being in the same room with Dr. Walters made him surly and mean-spirited. She was determined to poke the bear.
    “Good. Then let’s try to bring these repressed memories to the surface so we can take them in hand. This will go much faster if we work together. Let me help you, Mike.”
    Mike really didn’t think there was much help for him, but he was willing to try. For Madelynn and Tara. “Okay. I can try.”
    Dr. Walters smiled softly at him. “That’s all I ask for. Now, let me ask you again. Why do you believe you are unable to recall these memories while you are conscious?”
    He sighed. “Because I don’t want to remember. I wish it hadn’t happened, and I don’t want to remember it.”
    “But it did happen. Can you tell me the last thing you do remember?”
    Mike thought hard. He began talking slowly as fuzzy memories came to him. “We were pulling a security patrol on the perimeter. I was on duty that week and went out with the convoy whenever they pulled patrol. There were three vehicles. Two security trucks and a medic truck. I was in the first truck, which is why we hit the IED. I remember Albermarle telling a joke.” His eyes burned. “Albermarle told jokes all the time. Most of them couldn’t be repeated in front of female soldiers, but they were all Rangers. There are no female Rangers.” He took a deep, shaky breath and continued. “He told the joke and…”
    Tumbling, rolling, falling.
    “Chief!” Dr. Walters called urgently. “Michael, I need you to tell me what’s happening.”
    Mike gripped the seat of the couch as if it could cradle him, keep him inside the Humvee as it rolled.
    Blood. There was blood everywhere.
    “Chief Davis, you are here at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland.”
    And body parts.
    “Chief Davis, you are safe. These are just memories resurfacing. Don’t fight them.”
    Sand turned to mud in his mouth. He spit, noticing that the sand had a red tint. “Albermarle?”
    “Chief Davis, PFC Albermarle was killed in the explosion.”
    Where was Albermarle? Oh, there he was.
    “Michael! I need you to concentrate on