Through the Windshield Glass by Kristen Day Page B

represented
the ‘Love’ door, and the jacket represented my loss. But where was my token for
‘Misery’? I searched my clothing and pockets for anything that stood out to me,
but there was nothing.
    Then, I felt
something cold on the exposed skin of my neck; my hand flew up to my throat and
caught hold of the necklace there. I reached behind me and unclasped the chain
gasping when I saw the pendant.
    A shaking hand
held back the sob that scratched at my neck, the pendant was made of cursive
gold letters spelling out the name Jane.
    I would have
had a girl. A girl I could have dressed up, had tea parties with, and given
advice to. And I had lost her, for no reason. She was lost to save my life when 　 I had no life to save.
    I wiped tears
from my face and put the necklace back on. The pendant was now warm against my
skin and felt like it belonged there, I knew I wouldn't be taking it off any
time soon.
    I closed my
eyes and walked to my corner and slid down the wall, my legs protruding in
front of me and going pigeon toed. My right hand went subconsciously to the
pendant around my neck. I sat there for who knows how long, staring at the
opposite end of the hall and stroking my necklace. I was incredibly bored, but
there was nothing to do, other than trying to figure out how to open another
door.
    The only
problem is, in life, I hated puzzles. I couldn't even do a 4x4 Rubix cube, how
was I supposed to figure this out when I didn't even have the help of Google?
    In spite of
myself, I started idly banging the back of my head against the wall.
    How?...bang...Where's
James?...bang...Is someone else going to come see me?...bang...Why won't this
hurt?...bang...it would be so much more satisfying if this would hurt...bang,
bang, bang, bang, BANG! My head rebounded off the wall and I was surprised to
find myself bent in half with my head in my lap.
    “James!” I
screamed into my lap, “I’m done, come open a door! I can’t do this by myself!”
    The silence
pressed in on me, hugging me like a heavy coat. It was suffocating me with its
immediateness. The quiet felt louder than any sound I'd ever heard. It settled
into my ears, making them ache as though I'd been underwater for too long. I
realized I was afraid, afraid of the unknown. I was afraid to die for that
reason, because I didn’t know what was waiting for me. Heaven or Hell?
Reincarnation? Would we just disappear? I hated not knowing. It hurt my head
trying to imagine it, and trying to imagine that life would continue forever
when I had been taught since I could remember that everything ends. Everything
ends. I found some solace in that. I thought I would be okay if when I died
there was nothing and I just ceased to exist. The way I saw it, I wouldn’t know
that I was no longer a being; I would just be gone, simple as that. No boredom,
no stress of wondering if I had been good enough to deserve Heaven, just gone.
    Now I could see
that I was a fool for thinking that. Of course there was something after death!
There was no resting in peace, obviously whoever thought that was an
appropriate epitaph had not been haunted by anyone or they would have known
better than to inscribe that on a headstone.
    To keep my mind
busy I started making up poetry in my head. I'd never been much of a poet, but
after a while I came up with one I think I would have been proud of in life. It
was a 　 little depressing but
so was my situation.
    I tried to
imagine what it would feel like to be with Daman again. He made me feel safe
and wanted, besides being a companion in a solitary world.
    “Come back,” I
pleaded with my head still down, “please come back.”
    “I could never
leave you,” Daman’s voice said. I looked up, I couldn't believe my eyes and it
took a few moments before my legs reacted to what my brain was telling them to
do.
     
    Her feet
move fast
    Bridging
oceans
    Her true
love lost
    Now has her
hand.
     
    Daman pulled me
into his arms and kissed me, not lightly as he