TICK to the TOCK (A Coming-of-Age Story) by Matthew Turner Page B

headache?" she asks.
    "Not at the moment. I feel pretty good, actually. It's beautiful, isn't it?" I say, pointing towards the river.
    "Yeah. it is. You sure you're okay, though?"
    I stop, and grab her other hand so we're in a near dancing pose. "I'm okay. I promise."
    She nods, and bites her upper lip. "Okay." Arching her gaze upward, she smiles from the corner of her mouth. "You've been a little distant since Paris. I'm worried maybe I shouldn't be here."
    "What?"
    "It's okay. We've been through a lot, so —"
    "Danii, I need you to be here, trust me."
    Silent, she takes her right hand and places it over my heart. "Talk to me, Dante. This only works if you let me in."
    I sigh and drop my shoulders. "Okay. You're right, I have been distant. I'm sorry. I don't know what it is, though. I suppose it’s because of you, but not because of you. Does that make sense?"
    She screws up her nose and shakes her head.
    "Yeah, I didn't think so," I laugh. "This is what I mean. I can't make sense out of it. I can't describe how happy I am that you're back, because of all of the second chances I hoped for, you were the one I dreamed of the most. In Paris, I was lively and relieved, but then all I could think about was losing you. How each new day brings me, and us, closer to the end. There's no more second chances. This is it. Soon, I'll lose everything."
    Framing her cheeks in my hand, I place my forehead against hers. "I'm not saying it didn't feel real before Paris, but it's more so now. Before, I was partaking in this poetic journey. Just me. Straight out of a book, you know? Then Ethan and Wil turned up, which is great, but it's not like a book anymore. It's real. And then you came, and all of a sudden I'm filled with this need to live. As though I've made the wrong choice, and that I should go home and fight, eke out every extra day I can, because if I do, they're days I get to spend with you."
    "We'll go home, then," she says, her face so close to mine it's a glorious blur.  
    "I can't, Danii. I don't think a right decision exists at a time like this, but I know there's no hope at home. Here, and wherever we end up, there's something. I'm not exactly sure what yet, but it's there. I'm certain of it." Moving her head away from mine, I take a deep breath. "I know none of this makes sense. I can't make sense out of it either, and that's the problem. I'm confused, and scared, and angry, but I do need you. I know that much for sure."
    She tightens her fingers on my chest. "What are you scared of, sweetie?" she asks quietly; barely a hush.
    "Everything," I say. "I want to be brave, but I'm not. And the unknown, it's killing me. It's one of the main reasons I can't be home. I don't want my mother to see me change. I don't want anyone to, but I really can't let her see it." I brush my fingers through her soft and warm hair. "I don't want you to see it either, but I'm not strong enough to do this without you."
    "Your mother loves you. She would be strong for you, too."
    "I know she would, but I can't do it to her. I know I'll fade away into nothing if I allow doctors to experiment on me. I don't want her to experience her son turn into a different person."
    "You won't," she whispers.
    "I might. We have no idea what's ahead. I may not remain the Dante you know for much longer, and I don't want to leave my mum with those memories. And maybe, if I keep walking and moving, I'll cling onto something. I may find something. And I can't explain it, but today is easier. Being here, by the river... it helps. I feel better today, and I'm sorry for being distant, and I'm sorry I can't promise you I won't change or be different. I wish I could, but I can't."
    Shaking her head, she rubs her cheek into my neck. "You are far braver than you know, mister. And I'm here for you, no matter what happens down the road. But, we need to do what's best for you. If all I'll be is this confusing distraction, then maybe I need to go home—"
    "No—"
    "Shhh, sweetie.