To Have and to Hold by Nalini Singh Page A

sat many a night drinking coffee and talking over everything.
    Everything but the finances it turned out.
    Sean Randall had considered it a man’s duty to take care of his family, to keep a roof over their heads. So he’d borne the strain alone and she’d been too wrapped up in the cotton-wool of his love to understand the threat of foreclosure.
    But then he’d died, leaving her with the burden of a promise she’d sacrificed everything to keep. “How could you do that to me, Dad?” Sobs breaking her voice, she crumpled to the floor. Guilt had kept her from acknowledging the anger she’d carried around since his death, but being in this house destroyed her ability to pretend.
    When the tears finally stopped, she felt wrung dry. There was no water in the taps so she walked out to the SUV, found one of the bottles of water always banging around in the back, and used it to wash her face. Afterward, she had no will to return to the house. It belonged to the ghosts now.
    Instead, she went down on her knees in front of the verandah and began to pull weeds. While the building had been maintained, Beth Randall’s garden had been left to run wild, a tangle of climbers and weeds even in the still-icy breath of winter’s approaching end.
    â€œLook after my garden won’t you, Jessie my love?”
    â€œYes, Mom,” she’d said, holding on to her mother as she lay dying in the hospital bed.
    A promise to her mother. And one to her father. Between them, they held her trapped. A trap of emotion, of love, of memory.
    * * *
    Where the hell was Jess? Gabe stared out at the cloud-heavy evening sky and swore he’d wring her fool neck when he found her. “Are you sure she didn’t say where she was going?”
    Mrs. C. shook her head. “She wasn’t here when I came back from Kowhai. I figured she’d gone visiting.”
    â€œI’m heading out to have a look. If she comes back, tell her to stay put.”
    â€œDo you want me to ring around?”
    â€œI’ll give you a call if I don’t find her.” He held up his cell phone and made a mental note to buy one for Jess as well. “Why don’t you go home?”
    â€œAre you sure?”
    â€œYou can keep an eye out for her from the cottage—the driveway’s in your line of sight.” He got into the Jeep after receiving a nod of understanding. As he backed up and turned in the drive, he considered the places where his wife might have gone without leaving word, especially when she was pissed with him.
    His jaw tightened. No, surely even Jess wouldn’t be idiotic enough to wave the red flag of Damon in front of him. Deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt, he headed toward the one place that he knew held a grip over her stronger than anything or anyone else.
    Bumpy country roads made the drive slow going and when full dark caught up with him near the old boundary line, he had to further lower his speed. By the time he got to what had once been the Randall station house, he was cursing himself for not having gone with his first instinct and hunting down that pretty-boy Jess was in love with.
    All that changed a few meters later when his headlights bounced off the side of the SUV. There was no one inside. Worry jackknifed in his gut. If she’d injured herself, she could have been lying out here for hours. Alert for any sign of her, he brought the Jeep around, intending to park it parallel to the other vehicle.
    The headlights swept across a small figure seated on the verandah steps, hand raised to block the brightness. His concern flashfired into the most dangerous kind of anger in a single hard instant. Turning off the lights and engine, he got out.
    â€œGabe?” She gave him a puzzled look. “What are you doing here?”
    â€œLooking for you, that’s what.” He pulled her to her feet. “What the hell kind of childish stunt do you think you’re