To Save You by Rebeca Ruiz Page A

us, I didn’t.
    “I’m going to go, Finn.” He grabs my hand. I wanted to pull away, but I didn’t.
    “Please don’t. Just wait half an hour, and we’ll go and watch Parks and Recreation on Netflix. I know how much you love Leslie Knope.” I smile. Finn is my best friend, I’d be so stupid not to date him and I could be happy with him.
    “Fine. Half an hour.” He kisses me.
    He turns me around and starts dancing with me. I laugh at his stupid moves. Finn liked making me laugh and kissing me, too. When I get out of his hold, I look around to see if I could spot Dessie.
    My eyes land on Leah, the girl I know that Finn has hooked up with before, and I look at the guy whose mouth she is currently sucking.
    Mathew. He has his hand up her shirt, and they’re basically having sex on the couch. Everyone is watching them. Is he trying to make me jealous? Well, it’s definitely working, I pull away from Finn.
    “We can go.” Finn says. He hates to see me upset over Mathew. I snapped out of the daze I was in.
    “I don’t care.” I say, hoping my voice didn’t betray me. I look away from them, and look at Finn.
    “Let’s go.” I nod and he leads me out.
     
    My roommate is at her boyfriends apartment, so I’m alone tonight in my dorm. Finn offered to stay, but I couldn’t say yes. I wanted to be alone.
    The razor blade was where I left it the night before, in my pencil box. I roll up my sleeve and just wreak havoc on my arm. I can’t stop. My arm has been taking most of the damage when I go on these binges. My stomach and thighs haven’t been touched. The cuts go from my wrist to all of my forearm.
    “Presley.” I get startled by seeing Mathew in my room. I didn’t even see him or hear him come in.
    I drop the razor blade. He rushes to my side and takes a look at my arm. I am completely numb but my heart is racing. I see the blood getting all over his hands, and I pull away from Mathew.
    His eyes were bloodshot from being drunk or high. I don’t know. I stood up and grabbed a towel to wrap my arm with.
    “Get out.” I mange to say.
    His green eyes look so worried. He stood up and crossed his arms.
    “No. You’re hurting yourself, Presley. What if I hadn’t come in? How far would you go? You can kill yourself.”
    “I know that!” I yell.
    “Were you trying to kill yourself?” I could see that I was tearing him apart. Before me, he was normal. He never had to worry about this stuff.
    “I’ve never tried to kill myself on purpose. I do what I need to do to get through the day.” I could see he was afraid of what I was capable of.
    “You scare me.” He admits.
    “I would never kill myself.”
    “What about your bad day?” My heart stopped.
    “I am going to kill Finn.” I grab my phone.
    “No, he didn’t tell me.” Mathew tries to take it back. I feel like I might throw up. I need him to leave now.
    “Finn is the only one who knew about that. It was an accident and I called him right away. As you can see, I am perfectly fine now.” He points to my arm.
    “You call that fine? Is that why you ran away to Europe?”
    “I’m done talking, Mathew.” I sit on my bed.
    “We are so far from done, Presley.” I shake my head. “Why won’t you open up to me?”
    “Because you scare me.”
    “Why?”
    “You get me to admit things, things I have always had trouble admitting to myself. I don’t like how easy it is to open up to you because people like you don’t stay for people like me. Why would I put myself through that world of hurt?” I cry out.
    Mathew sits next to me, and hugs me. I just let it all out. I can’t stop the tears from falling, my feelings were overflowing.
    Why was he still here? I am too messed up for him. I hurt myself and I hurt others. I don’t want him to be one of my casualties.
    Chapter Eighteen
    Present Day…
    Mathew Pennington
    I watched Ashton with Braxton. I saw how they looked at each other and how in love they were. I was so happy for them.
    I wanted