Total Control by Desiree Wilder Page B

because we didn’t leave ourselves much time before we had to head over and pick up the girls. As I stood in the doorway, looking back into my little apartment, I felt some anxiety and fear about not being able to have its safety net for the next thirty days, but I pulled the door shut, and as I followed Ethan down the steps, those feelings were replaced with more peaceful, hopeful feelings. I glanced down the street one last time as Ethan put my things in the trunk. The idea of a fresh start when I got home in a month sounded really, really good. I closed my eyes and tilted my head up to feel the sun on my face. Ethan kissed my cheek and ran his hand across my ass as he headed to the passenger side.
    “Here,” I said as I tossed him my keys. “I better see if you can handle Frank before I let you bring him back here alone.”
    He laughed as he caught them. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to come between a woman and her Chevy.”
    I laughed. “Don’t worry, Frank isn’t the jealous type. Plus, I couldn’t compare you two. He likes to go fast, always.” I winked and hopped in.
    Ethan walked ove r to the driver’s side and got in. “Well, then, sounds like Frank needs to practice some self-control if he ever wants to compete with me.”
    When Ethan turned the key , “Family Tradition” blared through the speakers. He looked at me. “Country music?”
    “Don’t mess with Hank Jr.” I gave him a look that told him he definitely didn’t want to tease me about Hank. When I was younger and would go fishing with my dad , we’d listen to Hank Jr. His music meant a lot to me. I loved to crank it up and remember those good times.
    “Whoa! Was just surprised, that’s all.” He laughed. “Kaw Liga” is one of the best songs ever!” I couldn’t believe those words had just come out of his mouth and I wanted to make out with him immediately, but he’d just pulled out onto the street.
    “I love that song , too!” I skipped through the CD until I got to it. Ethan knew every word, and I got turned on as he sang it with me. I hadn’t seen him do that before, so I was witnessing another sexy side of him for the first time. “If you’re ever looking for a sure fire way to get me in the mood, just sing me some Hank.”
    “Good to know.” He was smiling as we approached Dana’s street.
    “Go around the block, ” I told him.
    “What’s wrong?” His smile dissipated and he looked worried.
    “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s perfect, and I don’t want it to end yet.” I was suddenly emotional. “I’m sorry. I think I’m just nervous.” I wiped a tear from my cheek.
    Ethan pulled over and turned to me. “ Gia, it’s going to be okay. Just focus while you’re there and when you get back, we’ll pick up right here, right where we are now.”
    I nodded. I knew it was going to be okay and I hadn’t really been worrying about it, but now it was getting closer and I was panicking. I hoped I could keep it together until I got on the plane —then I’d be all right.
    “Gia, no one would love for you to stay here more than me, but watching you have nightmares every night and beat yourself up every day is breaking my heart. I want you to be happy and carefree all the time. I want you to be able to accept my love and love me back. I want you to see yourself the way you really are, the way I see you.”
    I wanted all that , too. I nodded, but I didn’t try to talk because I knew it would make me cry again.
    “Should we go pick up your friends now?” He spoke to me gently. He was sad and worried, but tried to hide it. He was trying to stay strong because he knew I was having anxiety. He wanted to protect me from my own fear. I nodded.
    He smiled and squeezed my hand. He drove around the block twice, giving me time to get myself together.
    We pulled up to Dana’s just as Jo pulled up. She hugged me tightly when she saw I was having a bit of a hard time. Dana came out and Ethan loaded all of their stuff