Thomas offered to clear my tray, and I said okay. He piled my plate and silverware and milk carton onto his tray, then stacked my empty tray beneath it. âIâll be right back,â he said, which I guessed meant I was supposed to wait for him, so I did. When he returned, he said, âOkay, ready,â and we walked to his locker together. He asked me if I needed to go to mine, and I lied and said I did. It was just nice, having someone to do things with.
Later, when I was bored in Social Studies, I tried to have an orgasm by thinking about Thomas, but it wouldnât work. Not like when I thought about Mr. Vuoso touching my breast, or when I imagined a man photographer taking my picture. So I gave up and started thinking about those things instead. I thought I was very lucky to have a system like this. To be able to test out different people and decide if I really loved them.
At the Vuososâ that afternoon, I checked the tampons on the back of the toilet seat, just in case Mrs. Vuoso had given up on trying to catch me. She hadnât. It was still just the four. I went downstairs then and told Zack I needed to go next door for a second. âNo way!â he said, muting the TV. âThere arenât any birdies over there.â
âItâs not that,â I said. âI need to find out Melinaâs last name.â
âWhy?â he said.
âBecause,â I said, âIâm not allowed to call her Melina anymore. My father wonât let me.â
Zack didnât say anything.
âIâll be right back,â I said. âOkay?â
He turned away and unmuted the TV.
When Melina opened the door, I said, âI canât stay very long. I just need to ask you something.â
âShoot,â she said, walking back inside the house.
I followed her into the living room, where she was unpacking a box of books onto a tall wooden shelf. I noticed that some of them had Arabic writing on the spine. âI need to know your last name,â I said.
âSure. Itâs Hines. Why?â
âBecause,â I said, âIâm not allowed to call you Melina anymore.â
âOh yeah?â
I nodded. âItâs Daddyâs rule.â
âWow,â she said. âHe sure has a lot of rules.â
âUh-huh.â
âWell, maybe you could just call me Melina when heâs not around.â
âOkay,â I said.
âGreat,â she said.
âMelina?â I asked.
âYes?â
âIf I gave you some of my babysitting money, would you be able to buy me some tampons?â
She was quiet for a second. âWell, I donât know about that, Jasira.â
âWhy not?â I asked.
âI guess I donât feel comfortable going against your father.â
âBut you just said I could call you Melina when he wasnât around.â
She sighed. âOh boy.â
âI donât see why I canât wear tampons,â I said. âThey fit me fine.â
âCanât you talk to your mother about this?â Melina asked.
I shook my head. âNo.â
âWhy not?â
âBecause,â I said, âshe just tells me to listen to Daddy.â
âIs she Lebanese, too?â
âNo,â I said. âIrish.â
âWow,â Melina said. âWhat a mix you are.â
It bothered me, how she was trying to talk about my nationalities now, instead of tampons. âI better go,â I said finally.
âAre you sure?â she said.
âYes,â I said. âIâm not supposed to leave Zack alone.â
âIâm really sorry, Jasira. I wish I could help you. I really do. Iâm sure youâll figure something out.â
âThanks,â I said, and I left.
I felt really angry with her on the way back to Zackâs. It was like she had tricked me or something. Like she had said all that stuff about Daddyâs rules being weird, but then it