Transcend by Christine Fonseca Page A

finding only smooth skin. My heart relaxes and I am again able to breathe.
    “Trust me,” Erik whispers in my ear.
    I reach Kiera and pull her into a tight embrace.
    “You’re here,” she breathes into my neck.
    My skin trembles at her touch. “Where else would I be?”
    Our lips find each other, igniting a familiar hunger. My pulse quickens as the kiss overwhelms me, sealing my fate. This is where I will spend my eternity—away from my cursed face, away from Mother and her death wish.
    Away from the truth.
    “I love you,” Kiera professes. “Forever.” Her lips cover me in more kisses, leaving me breathless.
    I’m lost to her, trapped in her love.
    She pulls away, a smile playing on her mouth. Her fingers wrap around the hood of my cloak, pushing. She stares into my eyes, as the blood rushes through me and my heart pounds too loud in my ears.
    Thump-thump.
    Her eyes darken with terror.
    Thump-thump.
    Her hands move to my chest, shoving me hard.
    Thump-thump.
    A scream rips from her throat.
    She turns and runs. My hands rush to my face only to feel the truth I saw in Kiera’s eyes. Broken skin, protruding bones, raw flesh.
    Death’s mask.
    “Kiera!” I yell. But it is no use; she’s afraid, terrified.
    And she should be.
    Her screams fade in the distance as the world around me crumbles. I don’t follow her; I can’t. This is who I am. Kiera deserves someone whole and undamaged, someone like…
    James.
    The thought crushes the air from my lungs and I drop to my knees. I have to let her go, even here, in the world created by my own thoughts.
    Shadows swirl up beside me as the weight of my losses bear down.
    “Why are you settling for this?” Erik’s voice sends fire rolling through me.
    “You lied to me,” I spit through gritted teeth. “You said I was unbroken here. You said everything would be fine. You said—”
    “I said you were in control.” Erik’s unyielding voice surrounds me. “You made this happen. Your face, her scream, all of it came from you. From your doubt and your fear.”
    I can’t breathe.
    “This was all you.” Erik taunts me as my life rains down around me.
    I want to argue with the phantom, blame my failures, my regret, on him. Just as I have every day since his death. But Erik’s words are correct, I am afraid. Terrified.
    I retreat from the meadow, willing myself to fade into the murkiness. There is an empty pit inside that will never be filled. Not in either world.
    Part of me wants vengeance on Mother, on the explosion, on God himself. I did nothing to deserve this.
    “But you did,” Erik says, answering my own fears. “You ignored my warnings, fought against Mother’s expectations, distrusted your own misgivings. You have more control in your life than you assume, and it’s time you accepted the truth.”
    “I am the only one to blame.” My words burn as they leave my mouth, my body unwilling to accept them.
    Kiera’s song rises deep within me, shredding what’s left of my mind. I should have died the night of the explosions. Needed to die. At least then I wouldn’t know the terror and revulsion in Kiera’s eyes. At least then, in my own death, I could hold on to Kiera forever.
    Now, I have nothing.  
    My body again breaks and crumbles. Erik watches as I gag on my own existence, emptying all of myself—the anguish and pain, the anger and regret.
    And the love.
    I am utterly spent.
    Or am I?
    More emotions swell up from the depths.
    Longing.
    Hunger.
    Need.
    The feelings weave through my heart and awaken new fantasies of Kiera. New truths. I’m more than the flesh and bone that defines me. More than the pain that consumes me and the madness radiating through me. I am a man. And I am
    still
alive…
     

 
    13.
    “The defects of the mind are like wounds in the body.
    After all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind.”
    ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld
    ~
    Another month streamed past Ien in a haze of