Two Much! by Donald E. Westlake Page A

role in your affairs, it’s a possibility I most certainly must take seriously.”
    All around us the sun shone down on the worthy Episcopalians. I said, “I think you right, Mr. uh.…”
    â€œVolpinex,” he repeated, rolling the word like a fetishist with a mouthful of leather.
    â€œWell, Mr. Volpinex,” I said, in my straightforward way, “I can’t say I like your insinuations. I agree with your responsibility, but not your manner.”
    â€œThat’s right,” Betty said. She looped an arm through mine and glared our defiance at the nasty man.
    â€œI certainly don’t intend,” he said, with an ironic bow toward me, “to insult any honest gentleman present.”
    â€œMy life is an open book,” I told him. “I’ve lived the last seven years in California, and came here this spring because my brother wanted help in expanding his business. We may not be rich, but we are honest and hard-working. I invite you to study my past history as deeply as you want, and you will find nothing, I guarantee it”
    â€œI must say I hope you’re right,” he said, trying for sarcasm but failing to hide his discomfort. He had come after me as though I were Art, and instead had found himself face to face with Horatio Alger. I’d give him Victoriana, and what exactly would he do about it?
    Withdraw. “Well, it’s been nice chatting with you,” he said.
    â€œYou’re going to feel terrible, Ernest,” Betty said, “when you find out how wrong you’ve been.”
    Volpinex glanced sourly at our linked arms. “Yes,” he said. “I know what a loyal heart you have, Betty. But do remember that I am loyal, too.”
    I said, “And I’m sure Betty appreciates you for that”
    He gave me a quickly calculating look. He knew I was too good to be true, but was it possible I was true anyway? The question still in his eyes, he turned away. “Well, Liz,” he said, with an unsuccessful attempt to take her hand, “we really ought to be going.”
    â€œI can hardly wait,” she told him, “to see you with the other brother.” Then she turned her mocking smile on me, saying, “You really are an Eagle Scout, aren’t you?”
    Betty said, “Now, Liz, don’t you start.”
    â€œI meant it in sincerest admiration,” Liz assured her and to Volpinex she said, “Come along, Ernie, you know it gives you a rash to be in the presence of goodness.”
    Volpinex showed us all something that might have been a grin, and followed Liz away in the direction of the Kerner house.
    Betty said, “Now do you see why I want our engagement to be a secret? The world is full of suspicious minds.”
    â€œHe’s only doing what he thinks is his duty.” Bart, I was surprised to see, was magnanimous in victory.
    She hugged my arm, giving my knuckles a graze of warm crotch. “Won’t they be surprised,” she said, “when we turn up married?”
    â€œYes,” I said, “I believe they will”

    S UNDAY MORNING B ETTY said, “Bart, I think I’ll go into town with you.”
    â€œThat’s wonderful,” I said.
    She gave me a conspiratorial smirk. “We’ll leave Liz alone here with Art.”
    â€œSneaky of us,” I said.
    Liz had returned this morning, probably in anticipation of Art’s arrival. Could she actually have spent last night—not to mention Wednesday and Thursday and Friday nights—coupled with that creep Volpinex? Had the woman no standards at all? There was no telling from looking at her, of course. Briefly I considered probing more deeply while in my Art persona, but quickly abandoned that idea. Art, after all, had not seen Liz and the ferret together. Also, Liz was far too sharp for me to get cute with.
    Anyway, I now had a much more serious problem to deal with. Betty was coming to town with me? How