anything interesting to say yet” He chews on his lip. “Sorry, I’m just saying stupid things to try to cheer you up.”
“And I appreciate it,” I tell him. “Thank you for coming with me, this was easier because I had you next to me.”
I blink a couple of times absorbing what I just said. Fuck. I am grateful, but confused about feeling safe with him. The entire situation is creating pandemonium inside my head. When I made the appointment, I was upset at Leo for leaving me to deal with everything all alone. Then grieving because I wouldn’t have anyone coming along and would face whatever they tell me alone. Finally, resigned to deal with it alone, I just casually made the comment during dinner and . . . he’s there by my side. Porter, the unlikely support that my son and I needed today.
“Thank you for letting me ride along,” he responds, opening the garage and pulling his truck inside.
Why would he do that, thank me for doing me a favor? Because we’re becoming friends? A few benefits should come from that title. Sharing information should be one of them.
Yes, Mackenzie, do it.
“If I ask you something . . . would you answer this time?” I bite my lip, fearing that he won’t answer.
“It depends,” he responds with a smooth, yet reserved voice.
“What happened to you?” Four words that carry so much force. Porter’s face hardens, as his jaw clenches.
His eyes darken; he pinches the bridge of his nose as his chest rises and lowers a couple of times. “We shouldn’t stay in the car for so long.”
That’s it? Where is my answer?
I want to ask him but he jumps out of the truck. Carrying Finn’s sleeping body, he heads to my house. Rushing behind them, I open the front door and follow him to the kids’ room where he places him on top of the bed, covers him with a blanket, and kisses the top of his head. As I’m about to ask him a question, he steps closer to me, looking down at me with a serious gaze. His mouth drops to the top of my head giving me a gentle kiss, and hugging me tight.
“He’s going to be okay. We’ll help him. I’ll . . .” He walks away as he releases me. “You’re going to be okay.”
His words confuse me, but I want to believe them. Trust that my son will come back to me. That we’re going to be fine. But how?
L istening to the giggles coming from the swings fills my heart with happiness. It’s been a long time since they’ve been enjoying themselves this much. These evenings at the park, after dinner, are becoming part of our routine. Harper finishes her homework before setting the table just to ensure that we won’t cancel our trip to her favorite spot. Finn helps Porter dry the dishes after I’m done washing them. They both look forward to spending some time at the park climbing the slide and traversing the monkey bars. Finn has a new bike and he’s trying to keep up with his sister. Maybe soon he’ll be riding without the training wheels.
“Mom!” Harper calls out, getting off the swing and running toward me. “Can we play hide and seek? We can all take turns. You and I hide while Porter and Finn look for us, then we switch.”
It’s been years since we’ve played hide and seek. Usually, Harper would hide and I’d look for her around the house. Some days Leo would join us and I’d be looking all over for both. Finn was a baby. I don’t think we played much when he was old enough to hide with us. I look around the park, smiling, as I think back at the fun we had searching for the oddest places to hide.
“Maybe that’s something we should do at home,” I say, saving my reservations about the plan. Is it safe to hide in the park?
“Teaming up will help find one another,” Porter says with a playful grin. “Girls versus boys,” he says, helping Finn out of the swing. “You can start, because when it’s our turn, you won’t be able to find us. Right, sport?” He looks at Finn, who nods once.
“We’ll find you,” Harper says,