Unsafe Harbor by Jessica Speart Page B

what your secret is, but I can’t seem to get rid of them.”
    “I already told you what to do, my darling,” she replied, while fingering the diamond studs in her ears. “First you have to keep your apartment spic-and-span clean. Those cock-a-roaches will eat anything. Grease on the kettle, crumbs under your toaster, even food particles on a dishrag.”
    Good luck with that, I thought.
    Between Spam, Santou, and myself, the roaches were clearly having a field day. Besides, I knew that nothing would ever totally stop them. The little beasties not only eat their own dead, but also dine on their living when food becomes scarce.
    “If that doesn’t work, then stick some bread in a jar and smear the inside lip with Vaseline,” Gerda instructed. “They’ll climb down inside the jar, but they won’t be able to climb back out. After that, screw the top on and walk down to Chinatown, where you can spin the jar around and let them loose. They’ll be so dizzy that they’ll never find their way back home again.”
    Gerda was incredibly humane, even when it came to something as miniscule as bugs. I wondered if it had anything to do with her time spent in a concentration camp. Though her homespun remedies were fun, I still preferredmy tried-and-true method—a few good shots of Raid. At least that way, I knew for certain that they were gone.
    “You look so pretty tonight, Gerda. Are you going out?” I inquired.
    “Yes. David is coming by and taking me to dinner. We’re going to Sammy’s Romanian. Why don’t you join us?” she suggested with a sly smile.
    That would be terrific, if I was trying to boost my cholesterol level and wanted to risk plotzing from a heart attack. Sammy’s was famous for enormous slabs of beef slathered in chicken fat. Jugs of additional rendered schmaltz were placed on each table as if on a dare. Dinner required that a bottle of iced vodka be consumed just to help “Roto-Rooter” your arteries.
    Gerda had an ulterior motive for inviting me to dinner. She knew that Jake and I were involved, but still hoped that one day her grandson and I would become an item.
    “You’re a nice Jewish girl and David is a nice Jewish boy. Besides, he’s a gem dealer in the Diamond District. What could be better?” she’d ask with a shake of her tightly permed curls. “So what if you’re a little older? That doesn’t really matter. Men tend to die earlier. Think of it as a bonus. You’ll have him around a bit longer.”
    “Thanks, but I already have plans with Terri tonight,” I told her.
    “That fagellah ?” she asked and wrinkled her nose, as if wondering why we were friends. “Oh well. What do I know about young people these days? The world is a different place. Who’s to say? Maybe it’s a good thing.”
    “Would you mind if Spam stayed here with you while I’m gone? I just launched a roach attack in my apartment, and it smells like the inside of a Raid can.”
    “Of course, he’s welcome. At this point, he’s the closest thing that I have to a grandchild.” Gerda leaned down and gave the pooch a pat. “For you, I have some pot roast,” she said.
    No wonder her place smelled so good and brought back so many memories. Spam apparently felt the same way. He let out a bark and merrily wagged his tail.

Seven
    I walked into the hallway only to hear the buzzer insistently ringing from downstairs. I didn’t bother to let Terri in, but quickly raced down to meet him. He stood shivering in the cold as I headed outside.
    “Hey, I thought you were going to buzz me up,” he complained. “What’s the problem? Cockroaches again?”
    “Wow, you really are psychic,” I answered, duly impressed.
    “Oh please. Don’t cheapen my psychic abilities. You know perfectly well it’s the fragrant scent of Eau de Raid that you’re wearing,” he wisecracked. “So, where are we off to?”
    I glanced at my friend. Terri had on a heavy winter jacket and thick woolen cap. Dressed like that, I figured he