Uschi! by Tony Ungawa Page B

that Li’l Bocephus went adios and was out of there. He vanished into the pitch-black shadows from whence he originated. The last of him to go his flaccid tail of guts, the darkness sucking in and swallowing it like spaghetti going down a fat man’s gullet.
    Denny hustled over to Uschi and offered a hand to help her to her feet. “That was some sure as shit ultra-fine ass kicking you just did there, sugar cube. I mean, whoa, you were the Infra-Man to that boy’s Princess Dragon Mom.”
    The homemade zombie girlfriend smiled at hearing the high praise from the man she loved. “Thank you kindly.”
    Shell-shocked and slack-jawed faces had returned to the Dairy Queen’s windows, drinking in all the parking lot wildness. Uschi and Denny both became aware roughly at the same moment of the eyes upon them. Silently and simultaneously they turned their heads in the direction of the Peanut Gallery.
    “Howdy.” And Uschi raised a hand and waved at them like they were all her good friends. “One hell of an action packed night we’re having so far, ain’t we?”
    Denny recognized the waitress who’d waited on him in the crowd. She had a “What the fuck?” expression on her face that was just too much to describe.
    “For the curious,” Uschi explained, “that vampire boy who just hightailed it outta here, he is the best tasting person I’ve yet to sink my teeth into. God as my witness, I am not done eating his flesh. And this fine dick-equipped boy standing next to me I can safely and confidently say is the best fuck artist to ever live. Seriously. Any girl would be mucho lucky to get diddled by him. His fuck skills are potent. Wave to the folks, best thing.”
    He actually had his hand halfway raised and about to start waving before his brain caught up to the moment and advised him not to do that.
    “Honey, I think it was time we get while the getting is good,” said Denny, and already inching along toward his faithful El Camino, just waiting for the okay from Uschi before breaking out in a full scale run. He had a hand in his pocket, digging for his keys.
    “You sure you want to go now?”
    “I’m sure. We need to go.”
    “You don’t want anything else to eat? Maybe a sundae or an ice cream sandwich?”
    “No. I’m full. All I want to do is leave.”
    “Okay. Then let us boogie-woogie on off these premises.” One last look back at the people in the Dairy Queen. She smiled warm and friendly at them while giving a cute salute. “Y’all have a good one, you here.”

Chapter Three
    W hen home again at the Big Kahuna Trailer Park Oasis, Uschi made a beeline straight for the shower. She invited Denny to join her, seductively promising she’d scrub his back and make certain he had the cleanest balls in all of North Texas, but he begged off. Denny was a devout one shower a night kind of guy. However, he did keep her company by putting the toilet seat down and sitting and watching as she washed with the bathtub’s shower curtain pushed open as far as it could go without coming off the rod.
    Despite the hot zombie babe bathing in front of him, he kept the saddest, most miserable look on his face. His mind was buzzing with worries.
    “I did things I shouldn’t have done tonight.” Denny needed to talk louder than his normal indoor voice to be heard over the hissing spray of the showerhead. Uschi liked her shower icy cold, the hot water was never for a heartbeat engaged, and the spray of moisture that reached Denny due to the commode’s close proximity left the exposed parts of him clammy and chilled. “I’m really sorry.”
    “What do you have to be sorry for?” She hadn’t bothered with the hassle of removing her makeup before stepping under the cascading water, and now she featured runny mascara Alice Cooper eyes and smeared lipstick like melting Halloween wax lips. Her hands glided the bar of soap over her flat belly and became preoccupied below her Alfred E. Neuman hairs, sudsing her vagina. Again and