Wagon Train Sisters (Women of the West) by Shirley Kennedy Page B

Loving a man like Jack McCoy was a waste of time. He would never want a wife and children. “I’m not thinking of any man right now. All I want to do is get to Mokelumne City and my nice quiet life.”
    Ma smiled with relief and stood. “I’m glad to hear you say that. Guess we’d better get to bed.”
    “Good night, Ma.” Sarah hurried to her tent where she could be alone with her misery. Dammit, she did care, but Ma was right. Jack McCoy might be the most wonderful, caring man in the world, but he wasn’t for her and never would be.
    * * * *
    Hiram suffered so much the next few days that there were times Sarah wanted to cover her ears to block his tortured groans. As often as she could, she visited her brother as he lay in the back of the wagon. At least his broken leg showed no signs of the dreaded gangrene, but even with generous doses of laudanum, he winced and gritted his teeth whenever the wagon hit a hole or bump. Thank goodness, Jack was driving. No one could have driven more carefully, but not even he could avoid all the rough spots on the trail.
    A week after the accident, Hiram was still in great pain when the train stopped at the end of the day. As usual, Becky showed more interest in visiting with her neighbors than helping her husband, so it was Sarah who climbed into the wagon to bring him some water. What a pitiful sight: Hiram’s splinted leg propped on a pillow, his face so pale and haggard she could hardly remember the handsome young brother with the bright eyes and charming smile. He raised his head to drink the water she offered, groaned, fell back on the pillow, and turned away.
    She clasped his shoulder. “I’m so sorry it’s still hurting, but you’re getting better. And just think, no gangrene!”
    “My life is over.”
    “It is not over. How can you say such a thing?”
    Hiram turned to look at her with torment-filled eyes. “So I’ll live, so what? You know this bone won’t heal right. You know I’ll be a cripple the rest of my life.”
    So hard to remain cheerful when he was probably right. “A little limp isn’t all that bad.”
    He laughed bitterly. “I’m a failure, Sarah. Always have been, and now this.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “I mean I’m a disappointment at everything I try. Even this accident was my fault. If I hadn’t been so clumsy and stupid, I’d never have fallen off the wagon. Becky said so, and she was right.”
    How dare Becky say such a thing! At least a dozen answers rushed to Sarah’s lips, but what was the use? Hiram would never listen, the mood he was in. When she left, she slipped from the back of the wagon so furious with her sister-in-law she could hardly wait to find her.
    As she started away from Hiram’s wagon, Jack appeared and took one look at her face. “You’re upset.”
    Sarah looked to where Becky sat gossiping with neighbors. “It’s my sister-in-law. You know how little she’s done to help him. Now she’s telling him the accident is all his fault. That’s so…so outrageous!”
    Jack nodded with sympathy. “She’s not helping.”
    “I would love to wipe that smile off that smug face of hers.”
    “But you’re not going to, are you?” The look he gave her was half amused, half admonishing.
    She breathed a sigh and willed herself to calm down. “No, I’m not.”
    “Of course you’re not.” His eyes filled with admiration. “You remind me of a woman I once knew. She was brave and independent, just like you. She took whatever misfortunes came her way—there were plenty—and never let her emotions get out of hand.”
    She shouldn’t ask, but his flattering words emboldened her. “That gold ring you wear on a chain around your neck, is that hers?”
    He laughed and nodded. “I admired her and I admire you, very much, actually.”
    He’d caught her unaware, especially since he’d pretty much ignored her after that night they talked when she was in her nightgown. “And here I thought you’d forgotten I