Waiting for Grace by Hayley Oakes

every night I take it?” He laughed.
    “You’re the first one.” I smiled. He nodded and we began to walk.
    “Grace …” he began. “I just want to say before we do this, that I know I’ve been all over the place, but that’s not me.”
    “I know,” I said.
    “I’m not gonna just meet Devon and be crazy. I’ve dealt with it now. I was annoyed, you know that, but I accept that things were fucked up, and I have to take some responsibility for that.”
    “Plus we were teenagers, Robert. Shit, I had no idea what I was doing by excluding you, by denying Devon her daddy and her family. Heaven knows we haven’t got any other family.”
    He sighed. “And of course when my mum finds out …”
    I exhaled loudly. “She’ll go mad,”
    “She’ll want to meet her,” he said. “She’ll be shocked, but she’ll want to be a grandma and my dad a grandad.”
    “Of course,” I whispered. He turned to me and took me in his outstretched arms.
    “I don’t want to take her away or anything, I just want to be there, know her. Everyone will, and I hope you can allow that.”
    “I would never let you take her away,” I snapped.
    “I meant … ah … that came out wrong. I meant that I want to fit in with you and … jees …” He sighed.
    “I know.” I turned away from him and started to walk again. “Sorry, I know what you mean. You want to be part of her life, that’s great, but I’m her mum, okay?”
    He nodded. “Let’s not fall out.”
    I smiled and shoulder bumped him. “We’re not falling out, just discussing.”
    “Of course.” He threw an arm around me and held me to him. “You look so gorgeous all grown up,” he whispered. “In all the madness I forgot to tell you that.” I smiled and looked up at him.
    “You too.” At that moment his mobile phone rang and he fished it out of his pocket, breaking our sideways embrace. He turned it off immediately. He replaced his arm again and led me to his car. There was something so natural, so comforting, and so intoxicating about his touch that I felt the years melting away, and Robert Banford affecting me as he always had. This was dangerous, and it made me realise that all these years hadn’t allowed me to let Robert go. Every day Devon had kept his memory alive in me, and my heart couldn’t let go of the one person who had made me feel complete.
     
    ***
     
    Robert led me to a black BMW 3 Series that was parked on the street, round the corner from the diner. It was newly registered and so couldn’t be more than two months old. Not many people drove in London. There was no need to due to the amount of public transport, the traffic being terrible, and the new congestion charge. Clearly that didn’t affect Robert and his obvious wealth. His car was so much more than I would ever have. He smiled shyly as he unlocked it and nodded towards his shiny new toy.
    “Company car,” he said. “Perks of the job.”
    “Oh.” I smiled glancing down at my uniform and spotting a tomato sauce stain on the skirt. Suddenly the years apart began to show.
    I slid inside into the leather seats. He took his place next to me. “I never did learn to drive,” I mumbled nervously.
    “Really?” he said, turning the ignition over. “Suppose there’s no need in the city.”
    “Hmm,” I said, turning to stare out of the window. I couldn’t believe we were here. I sat in the passenger seat again and he the driver. It was just like old times, but so much had happened since then. When Robert learned to drive, his parents bought him a battered old Fiesta that we practically lived in for the summer before we broke up. We roamed the country like hobos and finally landed in London. It was here that the car broke down for good and here that I decided to stay. I couldn’t help but remember that as he pulled away to drive. He must have known.
    “Last time we were in a car together we chugged into the outskirts of London, remember?”
    I laughed. “How could I forget? You