War-N-Wit, Inc. – MeanStreet, LLC by Gail Roughton Page A

the middle of heaven knew where. I was pretty sure wherever we were, it wasn’t earth, not as we knew it. And equally sure Mom’s definition of “strange” was about to undergo a major overhaul. I didn’t think it likely the starship Enterprise was standing by to beam us up, either.
    I inspected that denseness shimmering beyond the smoke. It seemed to be lightening, somehow. Lifting.
    Garbled noise flowed toward us, at first barely audible, gradually increasing in volume.
    Xaztha caxpthalz…rathax nax zathax..qzokatl vichilx…
    What the hell? As soon as I asked myself that, I decided it probably wasn’t a good choice of words. The noises had a cadence like speech, but nothing like I’d ever heard before.
    Figures emerged from the fog, moving toward us. Stick-like figures with an octopus in place of a head. And an octopus where each hand would be on a human. Approximately, anyway. And speaking of octopuses—or octopi or otopodes, for some reason I wasn’t thinking in terms of grammatical correctness at that point, go figure—an octopus sprouted at the ends of the stick figures’ leg appendages, too. All three leg appendages.
    Stacy had to say it, of course.
    “Take me to your leader.”
    One of the figures stepped forward, away from the others.
    “Human slaves. Obey or die. You will follow us.”
    As greetings go, it’d never win the Nobel Peace Prize. But it was English. That had to mean we weren’t the first humans these octopus creatures ever had contact with. Which raised all sorts of other alarming questions, such as—where were the other humans?
    Stacy’d been a paralegal for years. She knew she had the right to remain silent. She just didn’t have the ability.
    “Who the hell you think you’re talking to, buddy?”
    “ Silence, human! You will learn! ” The creature’s hand octopus shot toward her face like a Cat O’Nine tail. A ferocious rush of power tore past me and hit Octopus Man square in the chest. He flew backwards and into the three Octopodes behind him. They all crashed to the ground in a tangle of flailing tentacles.
    “Way to go, Antsypants! I’ve been wondering when another power or two was gonna pop out with you!”
    She shook her head. “But I didn’t do it!”
    “You didn’t? Then who—”
    We both stared at Mom. She stared back, wide-eyed in wonder, like a child who’d single-handedly demolished a whole house.
    “Did I do that?”
     
     
     
    Chapter Fourteen
     
    “ Five! ”
    Pfft. Shards of drywall exploded over Damien’s shoulder. “Next one takes your hand off, buddy. And you got lots of body parts after that.”
    “Okay, okay!! Don’t shoot again!”
    “Start talking!”
    “They’re—not here!”
    Pfft . Another bullet exploded from the silenced gun. Damien’s hand turned into a mass of waving tentacles and tentacle parts. The parts gushed fishy-smelling green slime. Damien squealed.
    “Wuss!” Irene spat. “You sound like a sissy girl!”
    “Well, blimey! ” Harold blinked. “Guess bullets work after all.”
    “Tell me something I don’ t know, Demon Boy. I got lots of bullets.”
    “I sent ‘em through! They’re in my dimension!”
    “Bring. Them. Back.”
    “I can’t! I would if I could but I can’t! The other side’s got to do it!”
    “Then send us through.”
    “Uh, mate?” Harold flew over and landed on Chad’s shoulder. “Maybe you should check in with the big boss first? I know we haven’t been formally introduced but Harold’s the name, the Council’s my game, you twig?”
    Over by the door, Bob announced to nobody in particular, “This isn’t happening. I know this isn’t happening.”
    “Oh, I twig , all right! This has Council written all over it.” Chad switched to a one-handed gun hold and reached down to his phone clip. “Don’t try anything, buddy. I’m real good at multi-tasking.”
    He glanced down at his phone. Damien lurched forward and two pffts sounded simultaneously, one from Chad’s gun and one