Warm Hearts by Barbara Delinsky Page B

suggest that she fostered her family’s dependence by being on twenty-four-hour call. If so, she’d been doing it for so long she wasn’t sure how to break the cycle.
    Rising from the chair, she went to the window. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome was still on his fire escape. She felt a little better.
    Do I do that—encourage their dependence?
    I don’t know. Do you?
    I suppose. Maybe it is a need I have.
    Maybe the need is for a family of your own.
    But in order to have a family of my own, I have to have a husband. If I don’t find the right man, I’ll be complicating things that much more. I’ve seen what can happen if a marriage isn’t right. The guilt feelings are worse. I’m so tired of the guilt.
    Come on, where’s that optimism?
    Her lips curved at one corner. Gone with the wind?
    Sorry. No wind tonight.
    She drew her hand across her cheek, catching rivulets of sweat before they dripped to her jaw. Tell me about it.
    No wind. No air. Just us. So what are we going to do about it?
    I don’t know. I don’t know.
    We have to do something. We can’t go on meeting this way.
    But what if we don’t get along when we come face-to-face? Things will grow awkward. I won’t be able to talk with you the way I have.
    Ahh, but what if we do get along? Think about it.
    Caroline thought about it all that night and well into the next day. She thought about it while she wound her way up one supermarket aisle and down the next. She thought about it when she was having her hair trimmed, when she was buying stockings, when she splurged on a new sundress that was a little too casual for work. She thought about it while she was at the laundromat and later while she cleaned the loft.
    And she thought about it when she was out with Elliot, which compounded her guilt all the more.

4
    If Elliot was perturbed when she staved off his advances after dinner Saturday night, he didn’t press the issue. She almost wished he had. She was feeling worse and worse about leading him on, but she didn’t have it in her to bring things to a head. She knew that she should free him—force him—to see other women, but she dreaded having to do it. Elliot was a kind soul with a fragile ego, particularly when he was on edge at work.
    Ben’s showing up unannounced on Sunday evening didn’t help. She’d been trying to work—between glances at Tall-Dark-and-Handsome’s apartment—and the interruption was unwelcome. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome had had his own guest, a petite and attractive woman whom he’d soon ushered back to the door, and Caroline had wanted to study him in the aftermath of the visit. But Ben had come.
    â€œNice place, Caro,” he said, glancing around from the door.
    â€œThanks. I like it.”
    â€œAll you need is an air conditioner and it’d be perfect.”
    â€œIt’s fine without,” she said, clasping her hands at her waist. She was feeling awkward about not inviting him in, but she didn’t want him in. Besides, there was her image to consider. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome might be watching. She didn’t want him to think that she had a whole string of men.
    With characteristic pertinacity, Ben barged forward. Short of physically restraining him, there was little she could do.
    â€œHow about a cool drink?” he asked. The look he sent toward the kitchen said that he wasn’t planning on taking her out.
    She gestured toward the table, where her files lay open. “I’m really busy, Ben. You should have called ahead and saved yourself the trip.”
    He shrugged and started wandering around. “I was in the neighborhood. I wanted to see your new place.”
    Standing beside the open door, she followed his progress. He nodded at the prints she’d hung on the wall, tested the toe of his tasseled loafer against the small area rug before the sofa, ran his well-manicured fingers along the back of the armchair.