What The Heart Wants by Jessica Gadziala Page A

tonight,” she said, lifting her chin defiantly as her stomach rolled.
    “I saw you with him,” he said. “and I didn’t like it.” He stepped closer still.
    “I don’t dance with people to please or,” she said wishing she could move away but her back was against the door. “displease you.”
    “This was different and you know it. This wasn’t Devon with all his harmless boyish charm. Or Thomas the seventy-year old retired librarian. No one else was holding you like they knew every secret your body had to offer, Anna.”
    He was only a foot away, looking down at her with those annoyingly kind eyes. He had unbuttoned his shirt down to mid-chest and the wind blew it open slightly. Anna shook her head to clear it and looked up at him. “Just because you kiss me. Once. Doesn’t mean you get to pick and choose who I can spend time with. And just because you’re… jealous of Eric…”
    “Damn it, Anna,” Sam broke in. “this isn’t about O’reilly.”
    “Then why do you keep bringing him up?” she countered.
    “I didn’t. I,” Sam raked a frustrated hand through his hair. “I don’t want to see you get hurt. Mam was like a second mother to me and…”
    “Oh,” the word exploded out of her mouth like an accusation. “so that’s what this is really about. Because you were close with Mam, you feel the need to… I don’t know… protect me from the big bad wolf,” she laughed humorlessly. “I have news for you, Flynn. I’m not a child. I don’t need some babysitter for a next-door neighbor. And even if Eric had stripped me naked and we fucked on the dance floor,” she seethed, pleased when Sam flinched at her language. “it would not be any of your concern. And. And! I mean if you were so worried about what Mam would think of people’s behavior toward me, then why would you kiss me and then disappear for weeks?”
    As soon as it was out of her mouth, she regretted it. The last thing she wanted was for Sam to know how much she resented him for that day.
    Sam stepped closer. His hands reached over and ran up and down her cool arms. “I didn’t mean to do that,” he said quietly.
    “Do what,” she asked, losing her anger with the goosebumps rising on her arms. “kiss me or disappear afterward?”
    “Both. Either,” he sighed, leaning forward and resting his forehead against hers. “It’s not about you. It’s just a bad idea.” His hand slid up her back, holding her for a second. “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he said and pulled away.
    She was trying to convince her mouth to object, to deny that she was hurt or ever could be hurt by him. But she couldn’t force the words out and he was walking away.
    The breeze blew and she felt colder than before and she realized that somehow Sam had unzipped her dress without her realizing it.
     

Eight  
     
     
     
    The next day it rained. A steady, unyielding heavy rain descended early in the morning and showed no signs of letting up. Anna felt a heaviness on her chest, a weird uncomfortable feeling to her skin. The house felt cramped and claustrophobic.
    Anna suddenly realized she hadn’t unpacked any of her belongings but her clothes piled away in the bottom of the closet. She needed to settle in, to put down roots. Maybe if she made the space more her own she would feel less like an intruder.
    She started by dragging an old glass front china cabinet that was oddly situated in the hallway into an empty corner of the dining room. She carefully cleaned it and started to fill it with all the random knick-knacks that cluttered all the shelves in the living room. She found most of them strange and ugly, but they were obviously important to Mam and despite not knowing the woman, she felt a connection to all her things.
    The empty spots left over she filled with all the novels she used to spend hours and days and weeks reading. Romance novels and sci-fi and historical fiction. She organized Mam’s books by subject and removed all the strange