When She Flew by Jennie Shortridge Page A

her long black sweatshirt and threw it on top. She stood with her back to Jess, knees against the edge of the bed, slim arms wrapped around her torso, looking out the window as if she’d like to fly right through it and away for good.
    “Nina Marie, after all the talks we’ve had. You know how difficult my life was. That’s why I told you about my own experience, so you wouldn’t—”
    “So I wouldn’t have sex?” Her daughter’s voice was acid. “You did.”
    “So you wouldn’t get pregnant .” Jess heard her own tone. It was just as harsh, just as angry, but goddamn it, she’d done everything she could so this wouldn’t happen. She’d talked openly about sex and the risks of disease and pregnancy from the time Nina had first asked about it: how to say no, how to get away from sexual predators. She’d brought home books, pamphlets from the doctor’s office. She’d even offered to take Nina to the doctor for birth control when she got serious about her first boyfriend the year before. Nina had refused, and wouldn’t even talk with her about anything related to the topic, saying that Jess was invading her privacy. Nina never wanted to talk with her about anything. Jess didn’t even know when she had her first big breakup until Rick mentioned something on the phone, asking how Nina was dealing with being dumped.
    “How far along are you?” Jess asked.
    Nina’s back softened from rigid to slumping, her shoulders shaking. Jess walked up behind her, tried to embrace her, but Nina jerked away.
    Jess sighed. Surely it wasn’t that far along. “Honey, there are choices. You don’t have to go through with this. One of the doctors I know through work is very good at this sort of thing, and she’s very nice. It’s not that big of a deal anymore, just a simple medical procedure.”
    “What?” Nina whirled around, hair whipping, eyes fiery, angry fists grazing Jess’s abdomen and hip. “You want me to get rid of it? Because that’s what you wanted to do with me? Why didn’t you, then? Why didn’t you just kill me before I could ever come out?”
    Jess tried to draw a breath, but it felt as though her lungs were deflating. She groped her way toward the bed and sat on it before her legs could give out. Nina was still looking at her that way, that horrible, hateful way.
    How could she have said such a thing?
    How could her own daughter despise her so much?
    Jess’s breath came back, then her voice, words measured and precise: “I—did— everything —for—you.”
    Nina yelled, her mouth red and wounded, her eyes narrowed and searing, but Jess didn’t hear her, only her own words, growing louder and angrier.
    “I carried you inside me for ten months, Nina, not nine. I gave long, hard birth to you, forty hours with no drugs, so you wouldn’t start life with chemicals in your system. I sat up every night with you when you were colicky, when you were sick, when you were afraid of the tree outside your window that whole year when you were six. Even when your dad still lived here, it was always me, Nina. Always. I went to school around your schedule. I was always home to wake up with you and to be there after school. I put my needs aside and bought you clothes I couldn’t afford, sent you on school trips I had to take out loans for. Why would I do these things?”
    Nina had stopped yelling, her mouth agape, but Jess couldn’t stop this ugly lament. Something had opened up inside her, and it wouldn’t go away until she was cleared out.
    “I protected you. I tried to keep you safe from bad people, from bad situations. And nothing bad has ever happened to you except that your parents got divorced. Well, forgive me, Nina, but I married a man who was a spoiled, selfish child, and I did that for you, too. Goddamn it, I gave up my whole fucking life for you. How dare you say I would do anything less?”
    Nina started to sob. Jess would normally have stopped herself long before it got to this point, calmed