Wished Away: A Broken Fairy Tale by S.P. Cervantes Page B

to hide the affect his look has on me. “I’m not sure what you mean about ‘ look ’. I ‘ looked ’ over at him when he spent fifty thousand dollars to donate to GoodFellas.”
    Just when Cam is about to call me out, Joey interrupts. “Dude’s got a shit load of money. His parents own a ton of hotels. He’s an only child like us and has more money than even me. So don’t get your panties all wet, that’s a drop in the bucket for him.”
    So many questions are stirring inside me and I’m glad when our attention is directed to Dave’s mom who’s now speaking. She’s such a strong woman, I’m glad she’s able to tell everyone about the man Dave was. My speech was filled with facts about GoodFellas, the only time I mentioned Dave was at the end, when I said I hoped he was proud of all we’ve done in his name, because saying anything more would’ve been too hard. Dave’s mom begins speaking of his loyalty, his bravery, and most of all his love of family. She speaks eloquently, even through her tears, telling the crowd of his love for me and our daughter. Then, unexpectedly, the screen behind her changes from projecting the foundation logo, to a slide show of Dave and our life together that begins to play to “Mine Would be You,” our song. The tears that I thought would be kept at bay tonight teeter at my lids as pictures of us as children flash on the screen. When the final picture of Dave, Charlotte, and me huddled together in a beach blanket on the last Memorial Day we spent together freezes on the screen, all of my composure unravels. Cam, Holden, and Joey all reach for my trembling hands in support, but their eyes are also filled with tears.
    When a loud cheer breaks out and people start chanting Dave’s name, the last piece of me disintegrates. The pride and love I feel for Dave in this room is suffocating, because I want more than anything for him to know how loved he is. But he never will.
    I look up at my friends in desperation. “I just need minute. Excuse me.” When they all move to follow me, I just hold my hand out, silently asking them to let me be alone.
    “We’ll be here waiting for you Jess.” Holden’s voice is assuring and steady as always. I smile back at him and walk out of the room, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.
    I rush through the kitchen, knowing the guests would not be allowed back here, and make my way out to the beach. I toss my black sequined shoes onto the deck and start to make my way to the lifeguard stand hoping to get a moment to myself and gather my emotions. Tears are teeming down my face, but I need my hands to hold this heavy gown up while I trudge through the damp sand. For the first time thoughts of anger at Dave for leaving me assault my emotions. I never thought it would be this hard. People always say time heals, but it’s been over a year, and it feels harder today than it did a year ago. I go through most days trying to do everything I can not to think of Dave, only allowing those thoughts at night when I can drown in the emotions they bring.
    “Is that you, Jessica?” His deep voice startles me and I jump back when he walks from the other side of the lifeguard tower. Gage reaches out and catches me before I tumble backwards onto the sand. He pulls me up and looks down at me and wipes the tears from my face with his thumb sending unexpected shivers through me.
    I let my dress fall to the sand and wipe away the rest of the mascara filled tears on my face. “I didn’t think anyone would be out here. I just…wanted some air.” I can’t think of what else to say.
    “I needed some air too. That video was intense, even for me. Are you alright?” he asks running his hand across his jawline again, drawing my attention to his full lips. I hate what his presence is doing to me tonight.
    I nod my head. “Yes.” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head with a sarcastic laugh at my obvious lie and I smile a little through my tears. “No, I guess