Words Left Unsaid by Missy Johnson

Of course she is.
    I shift on my feet, feeling stupid that I’m waiting for him to kiss me. I made it clear I just want friendship, so why would he risk trying something? I give him a smile and lean in to kiss him on the cheek. At the same time, he moves in to kiss my mouth. What results is an awkward clashing of heads, followed by an awkward silence.
    “I better go,” I giggle, not sure what else to say. “Call me, okay?” Letting go of his hand, I hurry down the path to the front door without looking back.
     
    I’m barely through the door when Ellie pounces, scaring the hell out of me.
    “How did it go?” she asks, grabbing my hand. She drags me into the living room and forces me to sit on the sofa, handing me a glass of red wine.
    I can’t help but laugh. How long has she been sitting here, wine ready, waiting?
    “It was good,” I say, unable to wipe the smile off my face. “He’s a nice guy. He’ll make a great friend.”
    Ellie rolls her eyes. “You’re back pretty late,” she notes.
    “We had burritos.” I grin. “And we talked.” I lie back in the seat and close my eyes, a pang of guilt stabbing my chest. A small part of me wanted the night to be a disaster, because now I’m faced with dealing with feelings I’m not used to experiencing. “It was loads of fun and I’m sure we’ll catch up again, but don’t get your hopes up for anything more, El.”
    Her face drops. “I know you keep saying you’re not ready—”
    “And you need to respect that. Look, El, I love you so much and I know you want what’s best for me, but at the moment, a relationship isn’t it. I’m not ready to let go of Aiden.”
    Ellie nods slowly. “I’m sorry, Kee. I know I can be a pushy bitch. I just want to see you happy again.”
    “I am happy,” I say. Aren’t I?
    “No, you’re treading water,” Ellie corrects me. “There’s a big difference between surviving and living.” She leans over and hugs me. “You wanna stay here tonight? Tilly is asleep with Cassie in her bed, so you can have the spare room.”
    I nod, not wanting to face going home alone tonight.
     
    I finish my wine then ready myself for bed. Ellie brings me a pair of her pajamas and a change of clothes for tomorrow. As I undress and climb under the cool sheets, I think about what Ellie had said.
    She’s right—I’m not really living. I get up each morning, and my focus is to make it through the day. Before the accident, I used to do so much more. I’d live each day as if it were my last. Now, I’m happy just to get through twenty-four hours without having a breakdown.
    Curling up under the covers, I close my eyes and will sleep to come. I have a love/hate relationship with sleep because I rarely experience it without memories of Aiden creeping in. I love being lost in my own world, one where he’s still here and with me. A world where I can kiss him and touch him.
    But eventually I have to wake up, and when I do, I feel more alone than ever.
     
     
     
     
     

Chapter Eleven
    Max
    I take in the memos sitting on my desk and groan. It’s Monday morning, and all I seem to be doing is dealing with issue after issue. The final straw comes when one of my fifth-grade English teachers calls to let me know she’s been in a car accident. She’s okay, but at the very least, she’ll be away from work for eight weeks.
    “Alyssa says she put in her notice for an extension on her maternity leave eight weeks ago. Why the hell wasn’t this processed? And where the hell is the form?” I growl, picking up another memo. She’s supposed to be back from her leave in three weeks, which means I have three fucking weeks to find a replacement for the remainder of the year.
    Great, now I’m down two teachers.
    “She did. I remember receiving it and handing it to Mr. Mattich. I’m sure he meant to process the extension but he had a lot on his mind by the end,” Rana says helplessly. Her deep brown eyes fill with moisture and she looks like