100 Days of Cake by Shari Goldhagen

say that your current co-pay covers whatever your insurance company won’t.”
    â€œSeriously, Dr. B.? That’s, like, beyond nice.”
    All at once I sort of pink up and actually get a little excited about Dr. B. getting me back on track.
    â€œNow tell me about these bad days,” he says.
    â€œThe other night I was supposed to go see my friend’s band, and I just couldn’t do it.”
    â€œYou couldn’t drag yourself out of bed for Burning Dante?”
    â€œ Flaming Dantes. But they’re called Headless Naked Ken now.” I regret this the minute I say it. Dr. B.’s face remains neutral, but something flickers across his eyes, and I just know he’s thinking that this is more immature high school stuff.He’s probably regretting that he offered me extra sessions.
    â€œWe’ve talked about this before, Molly.” Leaning forward, he nods. “Being depressed means sometimes you’re not going to feel like doing things—that’s okay. But sometimes you need to push yourself to get out there.”
    â€œFake it till you make it?”
    â€œIn some ways.” He crosses his hands in his lap. I notice for the first time that they are really big hands, a little like my dad’s, except the fingers are more delicate, like maybe he plays piano or something.
    â€œGiven your history with Alex, the show might not have been the best thing for you to attend anyway, if you don’t want to send him mixed messages. But you should try to get out and do things with your friends. You know, see a movie on a Friday night.”
    I think of my sister in her barely there bathing suit heading to Chris Partridge’s house, and Elle’s story about Meredith Hoffman falling all over Alex. “You’re kind of dating yourself there, Dr. B. Kids these days really aren’t headed to the drive-in anymore.”
    â€œYour generation. First no mix tapes, now no movies.” He smiles and shakes his head. “You guys are missing out. The first time I got to second base was with Lizzie Mapleton at the mall movie theater.”
    â€œOkay, so what exactly is second base? Does the bra have to come off?”
    Dr. B. laughs. “That’s a question for your regular doctor.”
    â€œWhat did you see? At the movies with Lizzie Mapleton?” I ask.
    â€œ Say Anything . . .  ”
    â€œNever heard of it.”
    â€œReally? John Cusack? Ione Skye?” He seems incredulous. “ ‘In Your Eyes’?”
    â€œNope.”
    â€œIt’s only the single greatest romantic comedy of all time—in my humble opinion. I’m bringing in a copy for your next session. It should be required homework for every patient.”
    We talk some more about the bad days and about maybe adding some sort of exercise now that I’ve quit the swim team. Endorphins are good for the brain and all that.
    In his crabitat on the desk, Pickles taps the wall.
    Narrowing his eyes, Dr. B. looks into the cage. “Does he have a little couch in there?”
    â€œYeah, it’s actually from the dollhouse I had when I was a kid,” I say. “My mom always tells the story of how my dad stayed up all night Christmas eve putting it together so it would be ready for me in the morning.”
    Dr. B. nods. “Yeah,” I add. “My dad did a lot of stuff like that.”

DAY 25

Green Tea Cheesecake
    M om is worried about today’s cake.
    We’re supposed to have dinner at my grandma’s house tonight, and because of all her crazy cake making, Mom volunteered to bring dessert. She has the day off and spends most of the afternoon tinkering in the kitchen before summoning V and I to take a look. It does not look good.
    â€œIs it supposed to be grayish like that?” V asks.
    Not if it’s supposed to look like the picture in A Baker’s Journey , which is open on the counter. That cheesecake is a pretty pastel