A Guilty Mind by K.L. Murphy

Eleven
    â€œI ’M N OT GOING to stay,” she said. Dark circles rimmed her eyes. “So don’t ask me.” Sarah sat on the ground, knees pulled up to her chest and head turned away from him. She plucked at the grass, avoiding his gaze.
    Sipping on the warm beer, he stared out at the river. A small boat motored past. He watched the ripples atop the water grow wider until they reached the shore, disappearing.
    â€œI only came because I knew you needed to hear something, but . . .” She paused, her ponytail dipping and bobbing with her words. “I haven’t decided anything yet.”
    â€œSarah,” he started, “you know I—­”
    â€œStop.” She glared at him, her brown eyes dark under the shade of the tree. “Just let me finish.” Silenced, George sat back, mouth shut. “I’m having a hard time figuring this out, and pressure from you is not going to help.” Her slender arms loosened and she stretched her legs. Her tawny skin glistened in the bright sunlight of the afternoon. “This isn’t about you, you know. It’s about my life and the baby’s, our future.”
    Desperately wanting to interrupt and declare it their future—­not just hers—­he bit his tongue. He didn’t want to anger her or scare her away.
    â€œI don’t know if I want to get married because of the baby and I don’t know if I want to marry you.” Swallowing hard, he glimpsed the tears on her long lashes. “It’s not that I don’t love you. I do. But I just can’t see what kind of future we’d have. I’m a waitress and you’re . . .” Lines appeared across her forehead. “You’re from a family that doesn’t want someone like me as your wife.” She blinked away the unspilled tears. “I’m not stupid, George, and I know you would never have proposed to me if I wasn’t pregnant. That’s no way to start a life, a family.” She curled her legs under her again.
    He reached out and touched the rounded curve of her shoulder. She stiffened but remained silent. Gathering courage when she didn’t brush his hand away, he squeezed. “Can I talk now?”
    Wiping at her face, she didn’t look at him. “Sure. I guess.”
    Knowing everything mattered in that moment, he chose honesty, something he believed she deserved, especially since he’d already deceived her about Mary Helen early in their relationship. Mouth dry, he told her she was right about the proposal. He wouldn’t have been thinking about marriage, but now he was grateful, even happy. “Sarah, this baby has forced me to look at what I want to do with my life. When we first started, I just wanted to have fun. I had a girlfriend and I needed a break from her. You were that break.” Sarah shook his hand from her shoulder, but he kept talking. “And then I started to like you, really like you. I probably would have just kept things as they were, but everything changed. You found out about Mary Helen and then, well, this. The old me, the one who just wanted to have fun, would have run away.”
    â€œYou did run away,” she said. “You hurt me, George.” Hearing her words felt like having the wind knocked out of him, leaving him momentarily speechless. “But that doesn’t matter now,” she said, her voice firm, “and I don’t want to talk about it.”
    Hesitating, he took her at her word and bit back the apologies. “When I started thinking about not being with you, not talking with you and holding your hand, not watching you brush your hair, not seeing you . . . I realized I loved you.” She snorted. His heart pounded, but he plowed on. “When I came out here by myself, without anyone, I was surprised how calm I felt, how sure of what I wanted. You don’t know what that’s like. No one tells you what you’re