A Kosher Dating Odyssey: One Former Texas Baptist's Quest for a Naughty & Nice Jewish Girl by van Wallach

Vendetta, a woman whose online disappointments and world-weary bitterness created a space that I thought I could fill as the decent normal guy—not tall, not rich, having no ski chalet, but not too colossal of a shmuck, either. She asked me about my JDate experiences and I remarked I would be meeting somebody interesting in a few days (the Swan). Vendetta replied,
     
    If nothing works out with the woman you are meeting this week, or the ones you are currently in touch with, let’s make a time to meet. One of the things that’s happened w/me on JDate recurrently is that I make a time a couple of weeks out to meet someone, and in the meantime they meet someone else, or their childhood sweetheart moves back to town, or their borderline daughter is cutting herself too much for them to meet someone, or they’ve decided they needed a taller woman (I get this too), etc, etc. So, I’ve learned that it is better to make a time to meet sooner, and limit the online fantasy life that builds.
     
    We kept swapping warm emails and I indeed wanted to meet Vendetta, to keep my emotional investment portfolio diversified. Using email only, Vendetta and I worked out a meeting plan. She never wanted to talk on the phone, an oddity that concerned me, but I told myself it was part of her off-beat charm and obvious intelligence. Educated and caring, she looked so perky with her auburn hair and Semitic features that I tolerated the nonsense just to meet her in person (you know how guys are). The first time we ever spoke was the day I took vacation time from work to travel to her city for lunch at a restaurant where she and her ex ate—she’d slipped in that detail. I liked both her smarts and appearance, and could see meeting again. She had some quirks—such as the bias against phone calls—but I could accept them. I felt good on the trip home.
    Once I got back, Vendetta turned a full-throttle chainsaw on my musings when she wrote:
     
    What I am realizing is that I am so far away from having much settled with the divorce that I don’t think it makes sense for me to even think I can date someone out of town at this point. It’s too much to imagine that I could relocate, given all the custody stuff—I think I was being somewhat hopeful but unrealistic. As I thought, [name redacted] is starting the “I’m taking you to court” in earnest now, as he had threatened .... I think I’m in too much flux to even pursue something in town, much less a few hours away.
    Still, I really enjoyed your company and hope we can in some way remain connected. I would understand if you have other priorities in your life that would make that not an interesting option. But I love writing to you, and it would be nice to have another smart, compassionate friend in the world.
    Let me know what you think.
    In the meantime, again, really, I had a lovely time and I think you are a mensch and a very good man.
     
    Flabbergasted by this strange turn, I immediately wrote back:
     
    Dear Vendetta, thanks for clarifying things. I figured something had gone haywire when I didn’t hear back from you (evidence that there is such a thing as male intuition). At least I’m relieved that you weren’t upset that I didn’t insist you listen to March of the Falsettos or Torch Song Trilogy. Will you be staying on JDate, given your second thoughts about involvement?
    I can understand your concerns over distance and the flux in your life, which I see as the bigger issue, since your emotional energy is going to go into mortal divorce combat and concerns about your children as they play into the divorce. I can’t get overly anxious about distance, since I was ready to throw myself into a relationship spanning 5,000 miles.
    By all means let’s keep in touch. I like chatting with you, and now that we have phone numbers we can talk. Think of me as a friend, a resource, whatever you want. We really didn’t even scratch the surface of conversation on Thursday, and it left me