A Little Rain by Dee Winter

being in
Love is like, because I think I’d know if I was, and I think I’d be afraid.
    He appears.  Plans are changed.  He was talking to
Tobes who’s now at Demi’s house.  She lives at home.  Her parents like Tobes.  He’s
the same age as Benny.  I don’t think my mum likes Benny.  He doesn’t say he
likes her.  Benny and Tobes are different.  When together they act kind of the
same but when they’re apart I know that Tobes can be soft as a teddy bear.  Demi
has told me this.  The rude boy act never falls away with Benny.  It’s part of who
he is.  He was born with his hood up.
    We’re going to meet them outside the cinema.  I ask if
they have booked tickets, he says no.  I say it’s a long way to go and not get
in.  He says we will get in, sneak in the fire door if we have to.  Typical.  He
was probably planning on doing that anyway.  Cinema is not cheap what with
ticket, popcorn, drink.  You’re looking at a tenner at least.  And then I will probably
want a bag of chocolates or nachos or a chilli-dog.  The last time I went to
the cinema I dropped my whole popcorn bucket.  It just fell out of my hand and
rolled on the floor.  I had to buy another one.  They were having none of it
when I said they should give me another for free.  I said it was their dodgy
floor I tripped on in the dark.  They said cinemas are dark.  I was annoyed and
Benny was nowhere to be seen so I ended up paying again.  Tonight I will make
Benny hold the popcorn so if it gets dropped he can pay.
    Meanwhile, Benny is rolling spliffs to take in with
us.  “You can’t smoke going in the cinema!” I say.
    “Yeah obviously, I ain’t gonna smoke going in there…  Maybe
when we’re inside though...”  He cackles like a witch.  I don’t think he’s
funny but I smile at him and give him a playful shove.  I take one of the
joints he’s already rolled from behind his ear and spark up. It tastes like dirt.
 Nowhere near as fresh as what we were smoking last night.  I don’t tell Benny
this.  It’ll do.  So with our jackets on and hoods up we head out in the misty
rain to catch a train into the city.  I buy a ticket.  Benny will jump the
barrier.  I can’t be bothered to have a go at him anymore.  It’s his deal if
the ticket inspectors get him.  He never pays the fine, says he forgot his
wallet, gives a false address.  When I’m there too, they look at me.  I stare
up into to the air.  I don’t know him.  I used to moan but my breath would get
wasted.  I resigned myself just not to care.  That was ages ago, maybe a few
months after we first got together.
    Benny smokes a cigarette on the train, trying to go unnoticed
with a window open, but when more people get on I make him put it out.  He then
pulls out a can of beer from his pocket.  I can’t really disapprove of his drinking.
 I drink as much as him.  I still feel a bit ropey.  I haven’t quite shaken off
the last cobwebs of my comedown.  I will probably have a drink later.  The rest
of the train ride is uneventful.  Benny tells me about someone who owes him
money who he might go round to and knock on their door later tonight.  I say I
won’t be coming with him.  He says if Tobes and Demi go, then I would have to
come.  I say I doubt very much Demi would want to go and do that and if she
won’t then Tobes won’t.
    When we come out of the station Benny immediately
lights up a spliff.  He seems in a generous mood as he takes two tokes and
gives it to me.  I take several before giving it back and say that he can
finish it.  When we get outside the cinema there are a lot of people. Tobes and
Demi are nowhere to be seen.  It’s quite cold now and that definite winter
chill is everywhere in the air.  I want to be inside now.  “I hope they hurry
up.” I say.  Benny huffs whilst shrugging his shoulders, his hands deep in his
pockets.  My silent prayer to be inside is soon answered as I see them approach
smiling