A Necessary Sin by Georgia Cates Page B

good.
    Rule number four: it’s not a lie if you believe it. I am who I say I am and I have no motive. There is no evidence that will prove otherwise.
    Rule number five: know and understand that Sin’s a special kind of animal. He’s perfectly fine with surprise and things going wrong. He’s a dangerous man, but I’m prepared to kill him if the situation arises.
    Rule number six: be headstrong but vulnerable, confident yet cautious. I’m the one in control tonight, yet I’m giving myself to this monster. I will do it with confidence but understand his reaction could be a volatile one. Again, I will kill him if I have to.
    Rule number seven: know and understand that I’m straddling two worlds—his and mine. I laugh about this one since I’ll soon be straddling him.
    Rule number eight: conceal any personal feelings I have. He can never see how much giving my body to him disgusts me.
    Rule number nine: say or do whatever’s necessary to sell it. I will say anything I think he wants to hear. I will perform any act to make him trust me enough to bring me into Thane’s circle.
    Rule number ten: it’s all about the right move at the right time—pacing and patience. I’ll read his emotions and body language to know what needs to come next.
    A necessary sin. That’s what tonight is.
    “You’re quiet. Are you nervous for later?”
    I shake my head. “Eager would be a better description for what I’m feeling.” That much is true. I’m nervous but ready to get this behind me.
    “I like the word eager much better than nervous.”
    He holds the door for me when we enter The Witchery. He places his hand on my lower back when I walk past. A shiver travels down my spine, causing my body to quiver and chills to rise to the surface of my skin.
    We’re seated at a table in a dark, quiet corner. I’m not surprised. I think he likes having me to himself, away from the other patrons. “We’re off to ourselves.”
    “So we are.”
    “Is this the proposal table?”
    “It could be.” He laughs.
    “You aren’t going to propose, are you?”
    “No.” He’s grinning, amused by my question. I like that I’m able to tease him.
    “Good, ’cause I’d have to decline.”
    He brings his fist to his chest and pretends to remove something. “Your refusal would be a dagger to my heart.”
    “Then let me put your mind at ease. I’m going to let you do what you want with my body but I’ll never give you my heart.”
    “Because you can’t or won’t?”
    “I guess that’s a matter for a shrink.”
    “I don’t need someone’s analysis of why you can’t or won’t give away your heart. I get it. I understand. I’m not sure you know it yet but we’re very much alike.”
    He’s wrong. I share no similarities with him. He’s the spawn of a monster. “Perhaps. I suppose only time will tell.”
    Dinner is served and I’m hardly able to eat a bite. My stomach is in knots. I order dessert but not because I’m craving chocolate raspberry cheesecake. It’s a ploy to procrastinate.
    A strange feeling has settled in my stomach. I’ve had weeks to think about this night, yet I’m not nearly as prepared as I thought. “Want a bite?”
    “Aye.” He leans forward and takes the bite I’m offering. “Mmm … delicious but not the sweetness I’m in the mood for.”
    He’s eager so I need to be as well. “Are you ready?”
    “Very much so. You?”
    I nod because I’m afraid I won’t be convincing. “I need to visit the ladies’ room.”
    “Sure.”
    He stands as I leave the table. I scurry in the direction of the restrooms. They’re located next to the entrance and I seriously consider bolting out the front door. There would be no shame in forgetting the whole thing and going home. Except I can’t. I want to push forward.
    I sprint into the ladies’ room and go inside a stall to experience the panic attack I feel approaching. It’s the same as always. I’m short of breath. My heart is racing. My chest hurts.