A Need To Kill (DI Matt Barnes) by Michael Kerr Page B

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    It was now a little past six a.m. in the UK.  Not that the time mattered.  He could be anywhere: at the Yard, at home in bed, or maybe out on a case, chasing down some creature that lived outside normal parameters and chose to take life instead of embrace it.  No matter.  She had his home, mobile and work numbers.  She picked up the phone and took a deep breath.
    Matt was sitting in the lounge with the lights out.  He had planned on a shower and a couple of hours’ sleep.  Instead, he had poured a large scotch and smoking too much as he let his mind drift between the case, Beth, and anything else that randomly coalesced in his overtired brain.  Shit!  The ghosts of his parents and fallen comrades pushed their way into his thoughts, to appear uninvited.  He did not want to be bombarded by vivid memories of what had gone before and could not be modified.
    Stubbing out yet another cigarette end in the brimming ashtray, he reached for the pack and flipped the lid open.  Empty.  He crumpled it and tossed it onto the coffee table. There were no more cigarettes in the house.  He got up, dismissed the depressing images that had been flitting across the screen of his mind, and went into the kitchen to build another scotch rocks.  He was letting everything get to him.  Felt like a pressure cooker that was on the verge of blowing its lid.  He had always been able to stay detached and deal with whatever came up in his stride.  But the accumulation of everything that had happened over the last twelve months had somehow diminished his resolve; sapped him of the strength of will that he had always taken as a given.  You can only maintain anything for so long.  As an erstwhile golfer, he remembered the great Arnold Palmer hacking round Augusta in 2004.  At seventy-four, Arnie had finally conceded to the march of time.  After racking up fifty appearances at the Masters, it was time to step down.  His tearful interview, after yet again failing to make the cut, was telling.  He pointed out that he still felt as competitive as he ever had, back in his heyday, but that his ageing body was not up to the task.  Everything and everyone had their time.  Matt wondered if he was burning out under the pressure that he had always courted and felt in control of.  He was jaded, and could not think of one positive thing that was happening in his life.  Beth seemed to be slipping away from him, and he didn’t think he could change enough to stop the slide.
    His mobile bleated.  He sighed, took a deep breath and walked through to where it lay next to the TV ’s remote.
    “Barnes .”
    “ Were you asleep?”
    “ No.  Just sitting and thinking.”
    “ What about?”
    “ Oh, this and that.”
    “ Miss me?”
    “ Do bears shit in the woods?”
    “ I’ll take that as a yes.”
    “ How’s the Big Apple?”
    “ Cold, noisy.  Same old, same old.”
    “ I rang earlier.”
    “ I was down at the bar.  Do you remember me talking about Alec Hoffman?”
    “ The old shrink who trains the rookie profilers at the FBI academy?”
    “ The one and only.  I let him buy me a couple of JDs, and talked about you.”
    “ My ears weren’t burning.”
    “ Should have been.  I told him all about you...Us.”
    “ Looking for answers to questions that don’t have any?”
    “ You got it.”
    “ And?”
    “ He thinks I should stop moping around and get on with the rest of my life.”
    “ Sounds good advice.”
    “ I thought I’d pack my case and get out of Dodge in the morning.  Unless you can think of any reason why I shouldn’t.”
    “ What about the seminar?  The hospital might hit you for the airfare if you walk away.”
    “So y ou think I should stay?”
    Matt caught the hurt in her voice.  “I think you should hurry back, but it’s only for a few more days, so why not enjoy it, and buy me something expensive on Fifth Avenue when you get time to shop.”
    “ Are we all right, Matt?”
    “ We are from where