post, I assured them in no way was I going to tolerate any foolishness from you all. Be clear, I will not lose my letters trying to help you all save yours from any wrongdoing on your part. If any of this gets out that I found out and didnât report it, itâll all be on me.â She turned and looked at us one more time. âI donât know why yâall are scared to move, but I told you to go! Iâll let you know in the morning what my decision is going to beâdonât make me make it right here and now. Trust me, none of you wants me to use my cell phone and report this one. But if these pledges donât get back inside right now, pack their bags, and head home, I will.â Dr. Garnes held her cell high.
âLetâs jet, Pis!â I screamed out, making the call.
Cheryl looked at me and nodded. âYeah, letâs go.â
When the thirty-seven of us got back to the room, we packed up our stuff. All of us were breathing hard, extremely nervous, palms sweating, and some of us werenât able to breathe. What weâd done was severe. Had we messed up our chance? What was going to happen to Torian and Loni and the other Betas with us? Were they going to be kicked out of our chapter?
All of this was major just for a walk of trust that had ended up not putting us closer together but possibly tearing our line and chapter apart forever. It hadnât even been worth it!
Â
Everyone was packing up their bags to head out as our adviser had asked. Reality was sinking in that weâd messed up. It broke my heart to see Isha and Sam crying. Even Cheryl was broken. She was standing near me saying repeatedly, âWhat have we done? What have we done? What have we done?â
Then some of us started bickering back and forth as to whether Dr. Garnes would actually follow through and turn us in. In reality, we had committed a cardinal crime. Each of us had signed a no-hazing policy, and all thirty-seven of us had stood in line blindfolded, caught red-handed like thieves in the night.
All I could do was pray. Lord, just before Dr. Garnes came, I asked You to help us. Is this my fault? I wasnât sure whether someone was getting whooped up on. I needed you to free us from the terror, and maybe because of my prayer I summoned our adviser to intervene.
I grabbed my head and just shook it. I had stopped praying at that moment. How could I be mad at God and question how He had answered my prayer? What was I, stupid? I was bringing even more tension and anguish into my life. Iâd heard the saying âBe careful what you wish for because you just might get it many times before.â But this was one of the first times Iâd ever prayed, gotten my wish, and wanted to take back my words.
As I was the last one left in the room, I dropped to my knees and said, âOkay, Lord, forgive me. Iâm just so new with this whole Christianity thing, and I donât know how to talk to You. I donât know what to specifically ask for. But You got to know I didnât want us to get in trouble when I asked You for help. So now that this is how You solved my problem, can You help me solve another one? Can You make Dr. Garnes not say anything? Can You help her keep her mouth closed? Can You get her to understand they never touched us, and we were just in a line?â
Then I remembered a passage in the Book of Job: The Lord gave, and the Lord taketh away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Maybe this wasnât about my prayer or want I wanted. Maybe He didnât want Beta Gamma Pi for my life. So many people often said, âIf youâre a believer and a Christian, how can you be in a sorority?â That had never really phased me because Christianity had never been something that meant anything to my life, but now that it did, I wanted to live a life that would bring honor and glory to a majestic Lord and Savior. I was being a part of an organization founded on Christian
Learning to Kill: Stories