A Teeny Bit of Trouble by Michael Lee West Page B

a private school,” Red said.
    “She came home on holidays and for two weeks every summer. Lester was so impressed with me, he hired me to be his cashier. But I do a little of everything. I’m his right-hand man.”
    Red chuckled. “I just bet you are.”
    “When Lester and I get married, I’ll make Emerson go to a public school. It was good enough for me. Besides, she needs a home life.”
    I sat up straight. Kendall and Lester were getting married? Was she making this up? Or were they having an affair? Why would a cute girl get mixed up with a self-righteous pharmacist? He was twice her age. And, until Barb’s death, he’d been married.
    Red stiffened. “You having a fling with Philpot?”
    “Kinda. Sorta.” She slapped her graduation tassel, and the blue threads jiggled.
    “Can you define kinda-sorta?” Red asked.
    “I haven’t slept with him,” Kendall said.
    “So it’s a platonic thing?” I asked.
    “Platonic?” She looked confused. “Is that a type of enema?”
    “An affair,” I clarified. “Romance minus the sex.”
    “I guess Lester and me are platonic. But we know each other in itty-bitty biblical ways.”
    “What would you call itty?” I asked.
    “I can’t tell you in front of a man.” She shot a wary glance at Red. “But I can assure you that I haven’t sinned.”
    “Of course not.” Red made an obscene hand gesture.
    Kendall pressed her lips together, and her jaws clenched as if she were grinding hard candy. “For your information, Mr. Man, I know what the Bible says about fornication. And Lester and me haven’t gone that far. I’m saving myself for marriage.”
    Right , I thought, remembering the peep show she’d put on for him by the hemorrhoid display. I wasn’t interested in sin. I wanted to hear about her relationship with Emerson.
    “I’m the very opposite of Barb,” Kendall said. “She slept with anything. Why, she even banged my cousin. He laid her carpet and then she laid him. If she saw a dick, she’d hop on and ride. That’s why everybody called her the Train.”
    She’d spoken about the Train in the past tense, as if Barb had died months ago. I leaned forward. “Has Lester told you what happened to his wife?”
    “Yes, and I was so shocked. Can you imagine hanging yourself with panty hose? What was she thinking? Only fat ladies wear hose in the summertime.”
    Red’s eyes narrowed. “Is that how she did it?”
    “That’s what Lester said.” Kendall glanced over her shoulder and grinned at me. “It’s so good to see you again, Teeny. Remember that time you babysat me and I lost a tampon up inside me? A lot of people would have laughed. But you drove me to Dr. O’Malley and he took it out. I appreciate how you took me seriously. So I’m gonna give you a hint. I saw how Norris was eyeing you. Which isn’t surprising. He used to be an eye doctor. But he lost his medical license, and he’s kinda dangerous.”
    Red snorted. “What did he do?”
    “Oh, I can’t tell you that. I’d die of embarrassment. If you want to know what happened, talk to Zee Greer. She works at Baskin-Robbins. Just stay away from Norris. He’s a bad skirt chaser. But that’s all I’m gonna say. I can’t speak ill of my future brother-in-law.”
    Kendall lapsed into silence. Ten minutes later, she swerved down my driveway. Gravel pinged against the fenders, like bullets hitting a tin can.
    After she left, I walked onto the porch. The storm had left behind a glossy dampness and water still dripped from the eaves. I groped inside my purse for the house key. From the corner of my vision, something red streaked across the porch. The wooden glider jerked, then it banged against the side of the house.
    “Who’s there?” I yelled.
    Red lunged onto the porch so fast, he bumped into the glider. It wobbled backward, the chains squeaking, and surged forward. In the middle of the seat, a puddle of water skated across the wood and dripped over the edge of the swing, the drops