A Whole Nother Story

A Whole Nother Story by Dr. Cuthbert Soup

Book: A Whole Nother Story by Dr. Cuthbert Soup Read Free Book Online
Authors: Dr. Cuthbert Soup
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    “Well, having the strength of two and a half men can be very stressful. People are always asking you to lift things. ‘Bet you can’t lift that pool table,’ they’ll say. Or, ‘Hey, let’s see you lift that pinball machine with one hand.’ It’s just too much pressure.”
    “That doesn’t explain how you hurt your back,” said Maggie.
    “Sure it does. All the stress started to give me nightmares,” said Sammy as though that would suffice.
    “I’m sorry,” said Maggie. “But I still don’t see how a nightmare can result in a back injury.”
    “Well, let me ask you this,” said Sammy. “Have you ever seen a movie or a television show where one of the characters is lying in bed having a terrible nightmare? Then suddenly he wakes up and bolts upright in bed screaming, with his face covered in sweat? Well, the same thing happened to me, except I was sleeping on my stomach.”
    Mr. Cheeseman and his children winced.
    “Ouch,” said Maggie.
    “Ouch is right,” said Sammy. “My back hasn’t been the same since.”
    “Pardon me for saying so,” said Mr. Cheeseman, “but it seems as though just about every member of your troupe here suffers from some type of physical affliction. Jibby’s missing a hand, Jake has lost an eye, Dizzy is, well, dizzy, and you’ve sustained what appears to be a very serious back injury.”
    “Yes,” whispered Sammy. “It’s the curse.”
    “What curse?” Gerard whispered back.
    “I’m afraid that’s all I can say about it,” said Sammy mysteriously. “If I say any more, Jibby’s liable to take away my speaking privileges. And having the strength of two and a half men is stressful enough without losing my speaking privileges on top of that.”
    “Have you tried breathing exercises?” asked Maggie.
    “Breathing hardly seems like much exercise,” said Sammy. “Anything you can do in your sleep can’t be considered exercise, can it?”
    “No, I mean using deep breathing and meditation as a way to relieve stress and to relax your muscles. My mother taught me. I’d be happy to show you. It might help with your stress and with your chronic back pain.”
    “At this point I’m willing to try anything,” said Sammy.“Even something as crazy as breathing.”
    When Jibby and his crew had finished setting up, they took their seats at the banquet tables and prepared to take part in a feast like no other, prepared by Juanita, an oliveskinned beauty with a soft, white smile.
    Gracefully, she glided from table to table, dishing up generous portions of delicious foods from around the world: empanadas, goulash, souvlaki, and udon noodles.
    “ Hay un montón de alimento. Coma tanto como usted quiere ,” she said, which meant, “There is a mountain of food. Eat as much as you like.”
    It was absolutely the best meal Mr. Cheeseman and his children had eaten in almost two years. Though a certifiable genius when it came to the ways of inventing useful objects, Mr. Cheeseman, unlike his beautiful wife, was no cook.
    “This food is delicious,” said Jough.
    “You sure were right about Juanita,” said Maggie to Jibby, who was sitting at the next table over.
    “We may be knaves, but we eat like kings,” said Jibby, his fiery beard dappled with gourmet crumbs.
    “She seems nice. She reminds me of Mom,” said Jough, watching Juanita as she filled the plates of the hungry crew.
    “She may be nice, but Mom was even nicer. And even prettier,” said Gerard sadly. “I wish she were here right now. When is that stupid time machine going to be finished anyway?”
    Silence fell over the table. Mr. Cheeseman dropped his fork. Jough and Maggie shot Gerard a look of horror.
    Three-Eyed Jake moved his eyes to the left to find Jibby looking back at him. He then turned his three eyes back toward Gerard.
    “Pardon me, lad. But did you say something about a time machine?”
    Gerard looked to his father, not knowing what to say.
    “No, no, no,” Mr. Cheeseman

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