Abbie's Gift by M. R. THOMAS

ready and able and - most of all - willing.
    “I just want a diversion from everything that’s happened” Abbie explained. “I need some sort of routine again, a change from all this negative stuff that’s gone on for weeks now”.
    “As long as you’re sure”, said Kate “in many ways it’s still early days for you. Just promise me, take it easy and don’t overdo it”
    “OK, I promise”.
    “Speaking of diversions, there was a substantial one today” Abbie began, “Peter’s boss”
    “I was waiting for you to mention that, did it go OK?  I didn’t want to pry.”
    “Well in fact it can’t be called a diversion because it really brings home the whole reality of my life”.
    “What do you mean?” Kate was now looking concerned.
    “This” said Abbie producing the cheque for Kate to see.
    Kate was wide-eyed and for a few moments, speechless – so unlike her, Abbie thought.
    “Some sort of company life insurance and I’m the beneficiary”.
    “Christ”, exclaimed Kate, “that’s some potential diversion eh?”
    “I feel guilty thought, like I’m profiteering out of Peter’s death”.
    “Nonsense, it’s to help make life more manageable for you for the future, whatever happens and you choose to do. You are going to keep it aren’t you?” asked Kate.
    “Yes, I guess so, but I can’t really imagine myself doing anything nice with it, that just seems wrong, but I am really grateful, honestly I am”
    “Well” said Kate smiling “give it to me, I’ll show you how to spend it!”
    Abbie immediately withdrew her hand and the cheque.
    “Not a chance!” she said, “You’d spend it all on shoes and handbags”.
    “Of course I would” replied Kate. “What else!”
    They both laughed but deep down, Abbie was disheartened by her friend’s flippancy over the insurance money. 
    Were people really not able to understand how this money made her feel?
     
     

Chapter 8
     
    The next day the meeting with the Head teacher, Bill Summers, at the school was much easier than she expected.  Again condolences were offered, and comments of Abbie looking well.  He had concerns over her returning to work too soon, but she assured him that she felt ready and able, and that she would not do too much too soon, and would take things steady. She realised though this was easier said than done with a class of school-aged children. He most likely did also. A compromise was reached: as today was Friday, she would return to work a week on Monday, and do half days for the first two weeks.
    Reluctantly Abbie agreed to this, but knew it made sense. The Head had also commented that a return to work needed to be sustained, to give her chance to rebuild her stamina both mentally and physically, and Abbie felt that he was probably right.
     
    Whilst at the school Abbie met several of the other staff members.  Some seemed very ill-at-ease over how to react or what to say to a young woman who, to all intents and purposes, been widowed.
     
                                …………………………………………………………….
     
    On the way home Abbie stopped at the supermarket to get some shopping and groceries.  It was only when walking across the car park that she realised that the last time she had been here was with Peter, the day before he’d died.
     
    She collected a trolley and on entering the brightly lit store, she immediately found that the brightness and sheer size of the physical space alarmed her, making her feel very uncomfortable. There were people everywhere, some walking about shopping, others talking, others leisurely strolling with all the time in the world.
     
    After several minutes of trying to adjust her senses and brain to this environment, Abbie gradually became aware of feeling totally out of her depth; her heart began to race and pound in her chest, and she felt her face flushing and her skin becoming hot. People seemed unnaturally close to her, faces