After Alex Died by Dakota Madison Page B

since anyone has cared enough to even bother.”
    Did Cameron think I cared about him? Did I? I wasn’t sure what was going on between us but it scared the Hell out of me.
    “We’d better get to lunch,” I said. “I’m getting hungry.”
    “And I don’t want you to pass out again. Not that I minded catching you. I want to be there for you whenever you fall.”
    I wondered if he realized how often I did fall, at least em otionally, or if that’s what he meant. 
     
    ***
     
    I sat on my bed holding my framed photo of Alex. I wondered if Cameron was right. Was I holding on to his memory too tightly? Had my life become all about his death?
    There was a knock on the door. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone but the knocking was persistent. When I opened the door I was surprised to see Destiny.
    “Can I come in?” Her voice was small and hallow.
    “Sure.” I stepped away from the door so she could enter.
    She fidgeted then bit the edge of her thumbnail. I wondered if she was actually going to say anything or if she expected me to talk.
    Looking at her, dressed in all black, was kind of like looking at myself. Her appearance made her seem hidden and closed her off from other people, which is exactly what I intended by dressing that way. Although lately, I had been lightening up on the dark eye makeup a lot and sometimes even wearing the bright scarf Sofia had given me.
    “Do you want to sit down?” I gestured toward the bed.
    Destiny took a seat on the edge of my bed and I sat on my desk chair. She picked up the photo of Alex that I had left on the bed.
    “Is this Alex?” she asked as she examined his picture.
    I nodded.
    “He was cute.”
    “And funny. And smart. And creative. All people remember is that he was the gay kid who got bullied and killed himself.”
    “Can I ask you some questions?”
    I gulped. What if she asked a question I couldn’t answer or one I didn’t want to answer? I was scared but I also wanted to be there for her if she needed me. “Okay,” I said finally.
    “Were you the one who found him, after he killed himself?” She was still staring at his photo.
    The image of Alex hanging in his bedroom closet flashed through my mind.
    “Yes,” I replied.
    “What was it like?” Destiny looked up at me, her eyes wide.
    “It was the worst day of my life. He had already been dead a while when I found him, so there was nothing I could do to save him or bring him back. I felt helpless. Hopeless. Completely shattered. As you can probably tell, I’m still broken. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to put all the pieces of me back together again.”
    “I’ve thought about killing myself,” she admitted. “A lot. My mom puts so much pressure on me. It’s unbearable. She wants me to be perfect in every way and I’m not. I don’t think I can live up to her expectations of me. I thought dying would be easy but I never thought about what it would do to the person who found me. What if it was my younger brother or little sister?”
    “I have so many wonderful memories of Alex but I’ll always have the image of finding him dead like that in my mind.”
    “What about your mom and dad?”
    I sighed. “Alex’s death completely destroyed my family. My parents blamed themselves. They didn’t think they did enough to help him. They felt like they should have done more to stop the bullying at school. But Alex wasn’t completely honest with them. He didn’t tell our parents how bad it had gotten. After Alex died my mom quit her job as a school guidance counselor. She said if she couldn’t even help her own son, how could she help anyone else? She took a job as a cashier at a retail store. That put a lot of pressure on my dad to make more money so they could make ends meet. They fought a lot. They completely ignored me. It was like their relationship with me died when Alex did. Throughout the ordeal my mom became obsessed with getting justice for her son. She was so preoccupied with