Analternative (3-Pack Bundle) by Saffron Daughter

Trying Something New

    O n the eve of Vanessa’s boyfriend’s birthday was when everything changed for Ralph. Well, everything might be overstating it a little. But to Ralph, caught in the throes of passion and its implication, it seemed like everything had changed.
    At the very least, his relationship with Vanessa, his best friend, the only person he really trusted, changed immeasurably.
    It all began with a single word: Anal.
    “Anal?” Ralph blurted out, unable to stop the wide and childish grin from pulling at his lips. “Are you serious?”
    “Yes, Ralph, I am serious.”
    “Wait, let me get this straight,” he said, his face bunching up tightly as if he was trying to decipher some alien code. “You want me to have sex with you… in the bum, so that you can go and have sex with your boyfriend… in the bum?”
    “Yes,” Vanessa said, nodding feverishly.
    “Okay, but why don’t you just cut out the middle man?” Ralph pointed at himself. “As in me, and go and just have anal sex with your boyfriend?”
    “Ralph, you’re so dimwitted, you know. I’ve never done it before.”
    “So?”
    “Tomorrow is his birthday.”
    “You’ve mentioned.”
    “So I want to give him a good present.”
    “And I’m sure he’ll like it!”
    “Yes, but I want it to be good!”
    “Oh, come on Van, you’re gorgeous.”
    “God, you’re thick. I need practice! ”
    “Practice.”
    “Practice,” Vanessa said, punctuating it with a single nod of her head.
    “I… see,” Ralph replied, his face once again doing its best to imitate a prune. “Practice… to get… fucked up the bum?”
    “Yes.”
    “So, wait, why are you giving him practiced anal sex for his birthday?”
    “Well, he’s been asking for it for ages. He’s always touching me down there and licking—”
    “Woah, woah, let’s keep this PG-thirteen, yeah?”
    “Christ,” Vanessa said, rolling her eyes and slapping her thighs dramatically. “Anyway, I just feel like it would be a good time to give it to him.”
    “Well, technically he’d be giving it to you.” He erupted into a giggling splutter.
    “You’re so childish, Ralph.”
    “But seriously, Van, just because he wants it doesn’t mean you have to do it.”
    Vanessa’s lip curled wickedly. “Are you feeling… no, it couldn’t be! Concerned for me?”
    “No, I’m just saying—”
    “I know, Ralph. But, you know.” She shrugged. “Why not, right? I’m a bit curious.”
    “Curiosity killed the cat.”
    “I’ll kill you if you don’t start taking this seriously.”
    “Curiosity could hurt, you know.”
    “I know.”
    “Okay, so let’s go over this again,” Ralph said, still grinning. He could hardly believe this was real, that he was actually having a conversation like this, no less with Vanessa. God, how strange was this?
    “So you want me,” he continued, “to fuck you in your out-hole, so that you can practice for your boyfriend.”
    “Exactly.”
    “And how exactly will it be practice?”
    “Oh Jesus, Ralph. I just want to know what it feels like, and how to relax my bum muscles and stuff. You know, I don’t want it to be bad for him. It’s his birthday, and he’s wanted it for so long.”
    “Okay, okay, I get it,” Ralph said, holding his hands up as he sensed Vanessa’s patience eroding. “Um, I guess so?” He smiled searchingly at her, looking for any sign that she might not want to do it with him strictly. He might be the only option she had to practice with. A light bulb flicked on in his mind and held a finger up to silence Vanessa’s next words. “Wait, wait,” he said. “Why don’t you just try it with a dildo?”
    “I can’t fuck my ass with a dildo, Ralph.”
    “Why not?”
    “My arms aren’t long enough.”
    “What?!” Ralph said, bursting out into laughter. “How do you know?” His laughter stopped and his eyes widened. “Ah, I see.”
    “Yup. I just can’t push it in smoothly enough, or at the right angle.”
    “You