Archie's Unbelievably Freaky Week by Andrew Norriss Page B

she used to be a professional wrestler.’
    ‘Hot hahenned,’ said Archie, ‘hoo Hiss Hensen?’ He was trying to say
What happened to Miss Jensen
, their old teacher.
    ‘She’s in hospital,’ Cyd explained. ‘Miss Hurrell’s looking after our class until she comes back.’
    ‘How hong hill hat he?’ asked Archie.
    ‘Mr Gunn said maybe a few days. Perhaps a week.’
    ‘Ha heek?’ Archie sighed. He liked Miss Jensen, because when odd things happened to him, she never got upset or angry, and she had
never
thrown him onto the ground and sat on him.
    ‘Miss Hurrell’s not that bad,’ said Cyd, ‘when you get to know her. I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you.’
    And indeed Miss Hurrell was most apologetic to Archie when he got back to the classroom.
    ‘I’m
so
sorry,’ she said. ‘Mr Gunn told me about the odd things that happen to you, but when you gave me that message and then took a knife out of the bag I . . . I still can’t believe it!’ She lowered her voice. ‘Is it true that something odd like that happens to you
every
day?’

    ‘Hess,’ said Archie.
    ‘But why?’
    ‘I hone ho,’ said Archie.
    ‘Archie’s father has a theory,’ said Cyd, ‘that it’s the Laws of Chance. He says that odd things happen to most people at some time in their lives, but not in an even number. Some people have a few odd things happen to them, some people don’t have anything odd happen at all, and some people have odd things happen to them every day.’
    ‘Like Archie?’ said Miss Hurrell.
    ‘Hess,’ said Archie.
    ‘The trick is not to get too upset about it,’ said Cyd, ‘and just keep smiling.’
    And for the rest of the day that was what everyone tried to do.
    Though Archie’s mother was definitely not smiling when he got home and she saw the state of his clothes.
    ‘That was a new shirt this morning,’ she said, pointing to the torn collar. ‘And now look! Anyone would think you’d been in a wrestling match!’
    She went off to find a needle and thread.
    ‘Honestly! I don’t believe it, Archie!’

ON TUESDAY, WHEN Archie and Cyd got to school, Mr Gunn told them that Miss Hurrell would not be coming back as their class teacher. After what happened on Monday, she had decided that life would be less stressful if she went back to being a professional wrestler.
    ‘So you have another new teacher today,’ said Mr Gunn. ‘Her name is Miss Humber, and I’ve warned her about the odd things that happen to you.’ He smiled encouragingly at Archie. ‘I think you’ll like her.’
    Archie
did
like Miss Humber. She was a round, jolly woman, almost as wide as she was tall, and the first thing she did when she saw Archie was tell him that, if anything odd happened , he was not to worry, but to come straight to her.
    In the morning, nothing odd did happen, but in the afternoon Miss Humber told her class she would show them how to make a fruit salad.
    ‘A fresh fruit salad,’ she said, ‘is much better for you than cakes, and biscuits, and sweets, and ice cream, and doughnuts, and chocolate croissants and buns covered in thick white icing and . . .’ She paused, and then added. ‘A fruit salad keeps us all healthy and happy!’
    Everyone in the class was given a different task. Some children had to peel the fruit and chop it up. Some were sent down to the kitchens to boil up the skins into a syrup, and some were given cameras to take pictures of the whole process so they could make a display afterwards.
    Archie’s job was peeling the bananas.
    Miss Humber gave him a bag with the bananas in it, which he carried over to his table . He was about to reach inside, when he saw something moving.
    It was a spider.
    A big one.

    ‘Miss Humber,’ said Archie. ‘There’s a spider in here.’
    On the other side of the room, Miss Humber was showing someone how to cut up a pineapple.
    ‘Just pick it up and put it out the window,’ she called back. ‘There’s no need to be frightened of