Arizona Pastor by Jennifer Collins Johnson

contagious. The week had been long and emotionally exhausting. He had a sermon ready for the next morning, but his spirit felt weary.
    The Waddell Trail was a mile long. He had 1.6 kilometers each way to allow God to refresh his mind and spirit. Basking in the Lord’s creation would help replenish him.
    Division. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so restless and discontented. God, I should be on fire. Ready to share Your good news with my new flock.
    His spirit was quiet, and he continued to follow Bo along the trail. Lonely. Another word to describe his heart. For years, he’d contented himself with working hard, heading committees, ministering to communities, leading Bible studies and prayer groups. And now, all of the sudden, he felt lonely. Maybe he’d been that way for years. So busy he was too tired to notice. But now that he’d met Kristy...
    He spied a couple approaching ahead of him, holding hands. They looked to be in their midthirties. Smiling. Happy. Once they were close enough, the woman said, “What an adorable dog.”
    Reluctantly, Wade stopped. “Thanks.”
    He should want to talk to the pair. Live every moment of his life as a witness to God. And yet he just wanted to be alone. To wallow in the self-pity of division and isolation.
    â€œMay I pet him?” she asked.
    â€œSure.” Wade forced a smile. “Bo loves all the attention he can get.”
    While the woman gushed over his dog, Wade and her husband talked about the pleasant weather they’d had, and he invited them to church the next morning.
    After they parted ways, Wade gazed up at the clear blue sky. God, if they do come tomorrow, I gotta be ready to preach. Lift this negativity from my heart.
    Nothing. He pushed Bo to walk faster, and the canine happily complied. His mind whirled with thoughts of Kristy and how attracted he’d become to her. At first, he’d found her pretty. But after she’d prayed over their meeting, something more had been stirred within him.
    Memories of Zella washed over him more often. With them came guilt heavier and stronger than he’d felt two decades ago. The meeting with Mel and Joel had only added to his frustration. Their love, immature as it was, yanked at his heartstrings. Longing and loathing warred within him. He wanted that kind of emotion, but he didn’t deserve it.
    â€œHow you doing, Pastor Wade? And what a fine animal you have there.”
    He blinked and turned to the woman he’d nearly barreled right past. “Wilma. I’m sorry. I was in such deep thought I didn’t see you.”
    She clicked her tongue. “Probably pondering your sermon for tomorrow, huh?” She leaned over and petted the top of Bo’s head.
    He twisted his mouth. “Sort of.”
    Wilma rested her hand on his forearm. “I’ve got to tell you, your sermon about forgiveness two weeks ago really touched my heart. I’ve felt guilty for so long that I didn’t realize I was still punishing myself.”
    She took a long breath, then looked back up at him. “You see, several years ago Ron had lung cancer.”
    â€œI didn’t know.”
    â€œOf course you didn’t. He’s better now. Stage one. He had surgery, and then he was fine. Still goes for checkups every now and again.”
    â€œThat’s good.” Wade frowned. “What does that have to do with you needing forgiveness?”
    Wilma pointed to herself. “I caused it.” She waved her hands. “The doctors would say that might not be the case, but in my heart, I believe I did. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day for the first twenty years of our marriage.” She shuffled her feet back and forth. “I’m fit as a fiddle, but Ron got cancer.”
    Wade’s heartbeat sped up, and a bead of sweat trickled down his temple and cheek. A vision of Zella flashed through his mind, and he gripped Bo’s leash