Babbit by Sinclair Lewis

that 'folks like him oughtn't
to be admitted in a place that's SUPPOSED to be for ladies and
gentlemen,' and 'Paul, will you kindly call the manager, so I can
report this dirty rat?' and - Oof! Maybe I wasn't glad when I could
sneak inside and hide in the dark!
      "After twenty-four years of that kind of thing, you
don't expect me to fall down and foam at the mouth when you hint
that this sweet, clean, respectable, moral life isn't all it's
cracked up to be, do you? I can't even talk about it, except to
you, because anybody else would think I was yellow. Maybe I am.
Don't care any longer.... Gosh, you've had to stand a lot of
whining from me, first and last, Georgie!"
      "Rats, now, Paul, you've never really what you could
call whined. Sometimes - I'm always blowing to Myra and the kids
about what a whale of a realtor I am, and yet sometimes I get a
sneaking idea I'm not such a Pierpont Morgan as I let on to be. But
if I ever do help by jollying you along, old Paulski, I guess maybe
Saint Pete may let me in after all!"
      "Yuh, you're an old blow-hard, Georgie, you cheerful
cut-throat, but you've certainly kept me going."
      "Why don't you divorce Zilla?"
      "Why don't I! If I only could! If she'd just give me
the chance! You couldn't hire her to divorce me, no, nor desert me.
She's too fond of her three squares and a few pounds of nut-center
chocolates in between. If she'd only be what they call unfaithful
to me! George, I don't want to be too much of a stinker; back in
college I'd 've thought a man who could say that ought to be shot
at sunrise. But honestly, I'd be tickled to death if she'd really
go making love with somebody. Fat chance! Of course she'll flirt
with anything - you know how she holds hands and laughs - that
laugh - that horrible brassy laugh - the way she yaps, 'You naughty
man, you better be careful or my big husband will be after you!' -
and the guy looking me over and thinking, 'Why, you cute little
thing, you run away now or I'll spank you!' And she'll let him go
just far enough so she gets some excitement out of it and then
she'll begin to do the injured innocent and have a beautiful time
wailing, 'I didn't think you were that kind of a person.' They talk
about these demi-vierges in stories - "
      "These WHATS?"
      " - but the wise, hard, corseted, old married women
like Zilla are worse than any bobbed-haired girl that ever went
boldly out into this-here storm of life - and kept her umbrella
slid up her sleeve! But rats, you know what Zilla is. How she nags
- nags - nags. How she wants everything I can buy her, and a lot
that I can't, and how absolutely unreasonable she is, and when I
get sore and try to have it out with her she plays the Perfect Lady
so well that even I get fooled and get all tangled up in a lot of
'Why did you say's' and 'I didn't mean's.' I'll tell you, Georgie:
You know my tastes are pretty fairly simple - in the matter of
food, at least. Course, as you're always complaining, I do like
decent cigars - not those Flor de Cabagos you're smoking - "
      "That's all right now! That's a good two-for. By the
way, Paul, did I tell you I decided to practically cut out smok -
"
      "Yes you - At the same time, if I can't get what I
like, why, I can do without it. I don't mind sitting down to burnt
steak, with canned peaches and store cake for a thrilling little
dessert afterwards, but I do draw the line at having to sympathize
with Zilla because she's so rotten bad-tempered that the cook has
quit, and she's been so busy sitting in a dirty lace negligee all
afternoon, reading about some brave manly Western hero, that she
hasn't had time to do any cooking. You're always talking about
'morals' - meaning monogamy, I suppose. You've been the rock of
ages to me, all right, but you're essentially a simp. You - "
      "Where d' you get that 'simp,' little man? Let me
tell you - "
      " - love to look earnest and inform the world that
it's the 'duty of responsible business men to be