Be Careful What You Wish For by Jade C. Jamison

for in the first place.  She had wanted to catch him cheating.  Who knows how long the two of them might have stayed together had she not forced me on him?  Or would she have put someone else up to the task?  And what if…?
    But I had to stop thinking that way.  My feelings the night before had been so strong for that man, not just bordering on love but something more, something eerily transcendent, otherworldly, even spiritual.  Now, though, with him out of my reach, I started to doubt those feelings.  What if that had just been a response to the emotional state I’d already been in?  What if it had been my brain finding a way to justify it so I’d see the act through to the end?
    I shook my head.  I couldn’t think that way.
    Yet those thoughts swirled around my mind for hours until, at last, I saw that it was time to get ready for work.
    It was Friday night, which meant I’d have to show a little leg.  During the week, I usually wore jeans and no one seemed to care, but to make really good tips on Friday, I often wore short skirts.  Yeah, sometimes it meant my ass would get grabbed too, but as long as I got a good tip, I could tolerate it.
    Two hours into my shift, I still hadn’t heard from Kage, and I started to wonder if he was getting cold feet.  What if he, too, had started doubting what we’d felt?  What if he was feeling like a total shithead asshole?  Sure, I’d been the temptress, the seductress hell bent on bringing him down, but he’d been the one to cheat on his spouse.  He might be overwhelmed with feelings of remorse and shame.  Honestly, I didn’t know him well enough to know how he responded to that kind of event, so how would I know?  And, for all I knew, he was just an asshole who never called, never did what he promised.
    What the hell was wrong with me?  Again…I’d barely known the man twenty-four hours, had been smitten with him, ready to have his babies and pledge my eternal love, and now I was presuming all manner of horrible things about him.  I wasn’t being fair at all.
    But love doesn’t always keep a level head.
    Instead o f jumping to conclusions, I decided to send him a text around eight o’clock.  I still had plenty of time on my shift, but I hadn’t seen him nor heard from him since early afternoon and I just wanted to see if I should expect him.
    Only I agonized over how to compose that stupid text.  I didn’t want to sound possessive or jealous or even worried (although I was).  I didn’t want to seem controlling.  I was afraid of sounding like Fay and driving him off, and I definitely didn’t want to piss this relationship away before it even had a chance to start.  So I stuck my phone back in my bra and served more drinks while I tried to consider what to say.  It was another half hour before I wrote a text that said, Hey, gorgeous.  Just wondered when you’d be by to pick me up so I can rock your world again.   And as soon as I touched Send , I questioned it.  What if it sounded too flippant, too trashy?  I was going to push him away.
    I started feeling angry with myself and tried to focus on the job.  It was busy and crowded that night, so it was easy to give it my all.  Still, in the back of my mind, I was worrying about Kage.  It was another fifteen minutes before I felt my phone vibrate against my breast.
    I was so afraid to read it, so I spent the next ten minutes taking more orders and delivering drinks to customers in the crowded, noisy bar, but when I’d worked up the courage, I ran to the storeroom and pulled the phone out of my bra.
    I was being so stupid.  I knew why I was starting to feel insecure…because, in the back of my mind, I was worried that Kage had gone home and started packing, and he and Fay had spent the afternoon discussing what had happened and had decided to give the marriage another go.  My act had pushed them together.  I considered it.  If that had happened, if this wonderful guy and his wife had