Beautifully Broken by Amanda Bennett Page B

long, but in pregnancy months that was a lifetime. Fuck!
Christ Hannah, I’m only eighteen years old. I’m still a fucking kid. This is
all wrong. All of this is just wrong. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.” My
head fell back against the cool tile wall. I just sat there staring at the ceiling.
No more tears were shed and no words were spoken. The only sounds were that of
my racing heart and Hannah’s shallow breaths.
     
    Hannah peeled me from the bathroom
floor quite some time later. I told her I was tired and needed to get some
rest. She was hesitant to leave, but respected my wishes and did just that. I
heard the front door close a minute later and I closed my heavy eyes, waiting
for sleep to envelop me. Needless to say, it didn’t happen quickly. Gray tried
calling me twice, before I finally drifted off to sleep without calling him
back, or even listening to his voicemails. My phone alerted me to two text
messages following the phone calls but I ignored them as well.
     
    The rising sun shone through
my window like a burning flame. I could feel its rays warming my cheeks, to the
point of discomfort. My head felt like a fifty-ton boulder was sitting right on
my temple. I threw my comforter over my head, trying to go back to sleep. I
wanted to escape all that the day had in store for me. When that didn’t work I
finally drug myself out of bed and into the shower. I stood under the stream of
scorching hot liquid, hoping to erase the past days events. As I lathered my
body with soap, I couldn’t help but look down at my currently flat stomach. I
inched my hand up my side and over onto my stomach. Even knowing now, I still
felt no connection to the life that was growing inside of me.
     
    I took my time dressing in my
favorite pink and black pair of Victoria Secret yoga pants and the matching
pink tank. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror from all angles. My
toned thin frame was going to become a frame of fat, if I kept this baby. That
was the only thought running through my mind. I wasn’t having any of the
‘normal’ thoughts women have, when they found out they were pregnant. I wasn’t
excited, happy, jumping for joy or even smiling. I should be elated that there
was half of me and half of Gray growing inside of me, but all I felt was guilt.
I felt guilty for not wanting this baby, for not wanting to tell Gray and for
not wanting to even try to feel something towards the whole situation. I was
lost and alone and Gray was never going to know.

Twelve
     
    “Hey Baby, it seems like
forever since I last talked to you. How are you feeling this morning?” His
voice was music to my ears. I had only gotten about three hours of sleep but
how could I not be over the moon to wake up to his soothing tone, that I was
longing to hear.
     
    “I’m feeling a little bit
better, so far.” I let out a small laugh. A small smile flashed across my face
when I heard him chuckling along with me. “I’m really sorry I didn’t call you
back last night. It was a long night and by the time Hannah left, I was beat.
Please say you forgive me.” I made my pouty face even though I knew he couldn’t
see it.
     
    “Tuck your lip back up Baby,
I know you’re pouting.” He knew me all too well. “It’s okay. I forgive you.
Vince and I ended up going out for a drink last night anyway, so I probably
wouldn’t have heard my phone even if you did try to call back. I miss you more
than ever Bennett. I wish I could come home to you.” I could hear the sadness
in his voice and I knew, now was not the time to bring up the fact that I was
carrying his unborn child.
     
    “I miss you too Gray, so
much. It’s been rather lonely being in my bed all alone.”
     
    “I know Button. Trust me, I
know! I can’t wait to be done with all of this and be back in your arms, just you
and me. We will have all the time in the world for it to be just us. I can’t
wait, I will have an awesome career and you will be through your first