Beige by Cecil Castellucci Page A

wave. I want to say,
God, it’s not like you’re leaving me forever
now.
You already did that. Don’t act all worried and guilty about leaving
now.
You left me when I was a baby. I don’t expect you to come back.
    I walk down to Sunset Boulevard and explore the neighborhood, by myself. On the way there, I pass that guy I always see walking everywhere in the neighborhood. He’s either reading or listening to a little radio or talking on his cell phone. He ignores me when I nod politely to him.
    On Sunset there are four cafés, a florist, a cheese shop, a bunch of clothing stores, and a bunch of furniture stores. If I had money, I could spend it really easily. Maybe babysitting for Trixie isn’t such an awful idea.
    No.
    Wait.
    It is awful.
    My summer job could have been making discoveries relevant to the study of civilization. And now I’ll be changing diapers.
    One of the clothing stores has all old vintage clothes. I don’t want to go in there. The salesgirl seems like she’d laugh at anything I looked at. Besides, it’s a bit too funky for me in there. But outside on the sidewalk there is a five-dollar sale rack. That’s pretty cheap. I could get a lot of stuff for five dollars. I could just check it out. I pull through the clothes, even though I’m sure there’s nothing here I would wear. But there is no harm in looking. I’m holding onto a pale-pink beaded sweater when I look up and I see him coming toward me. Leo. He’s reading an extreme sports magazine. He’s going to pass right next to me.
    I’m prepared.
    I lift my hand up and I say, “Hello!”
    He doesn’t even slow down. He doesn’t even look up. He totally ignores me and just keeps walking.
    “Hi!” someone says back. I look over the rack of clothing.
    It’s that kid with the helmet. I read his name again. Garth Skater.
    “You’re The Rat’s kid, right?” he says. “How are you? That is so cool that you remembered me. I didn’t think you’d remember me.”
    He licks his finger and scores himself a one in the air.
    I wasn’t even saying hello to him. I then kind of want to remind him that he’s wearing a helmet! With his name on it! Who wouldn’t remember him?
    “What’s your name again?” he asks.
    I don’t want to tell him my name. It’s none of his business. But he’s looking at me so expectantly. I guess I should say something.
    “Beige,” I say.
    He furrows his brow, like he doesn’t understand me.
    “Beige,” I say a little louder. The name feels strange on my tongue.
    “
Oh!
I get it! It’s ironic! ’Cause you’re so cool!
Nice.
I like it. Beeeeeeeeeiggggggggge!”
    He makes his hand surf the air in front of him as he says it.
    “Anyway, see ya,” I say, and I walk away. I’ll head to the Los Feliz Library. It’ll be a cool escape in there. And there are computers. I’ve decided to go through all the classics they have in the teen section. I’m going to start on the letter zed and go backward. Why start at the beginning? I bet no one ever actually gets to zed. I kind of feel bad for zed. I’ll be the girl that loves zed.
    “Hey, wait up! Beige!”
    I don’t turn around at first, because I forget that I told him Beige was my name.
    “Yo!” Garth skates up to me.
    “Yeah?” I say.
    “Wanna hang out sometime?” he says.
    He blurts it out. Unsmooth. Is he asking me out? I don’t want
him
to be asking me out. That’s not right. Then again it doesn’t
feel
like he’s asking me out, like a boy asks out a girl. It feels safe. It feels like he just wants to be friends with me. Maybe he just wants to hang out with me because of The Rat. No one has ever wanted to be friends with me because of that reason. I wonder if he’s using me. He doesn’t
look
like a user.
    I shrug.
    “OK, great!” he says. “That’s wicked! I’m around here all the time ’cause I’m taking drum lessons at the Silverlake Conservatory of Music. Actually I’m late for my lesson. So, you know, cool! I’ll see you!”
    And