Bellona (Part 1.5 of The Saskia Trilogy) by Aoife Marie Sheridan

cry after everything I have told him. The couch dips down beside me, he doesn’t comfort me as I cry but he still remains seated.
    “I want you to tell me everything.” He sounds unsure and I finally look at him.
    “Nierra,” I plead.
    “Everything, and don’t leave one detail out.” He is serious. So I do, I tell him of my mother’s cruelty, the beatings that I have received, the servant girl that I had whipped. I tell him of the guards that I have killed, the maid that my mother made me kill and finally my own mother. Then the room fills with silence that begins to suffocate me. But the noise that follows is one I know I will never forget, one I wish to never hear again. Nierra begins to cry, heart wrenching sobs. I sit and cry quietly and when he cries harder I try to comfort him, but he pushes my hands away, not with much force, it’s as if no energy is left in his body, but when he looks at me he looks tortured, a man broken and I have broken him. “I am so sorry,” I say and mean it; a part of me wishes to take all my words back while another knows deep down that this good man deserves the truth of the monster he lies with.
    “I’m so sorry,” I say again knowing it will make no difference, but I need to say it regardless. I have brought this king to his knees and I don’t feel powerful for it. I feel so ashamed. I turn away from him. “I understand if you need to leave, I deserve nothing more and I am sorry,” I say, but when he doesn’t move I turn to him his eyes now focused on my face, tears still spill down his cheeks.
    “I will never leave you.”
    “What?” I feel so confused, but hope surges up inside me.
    “You must give me your oath that you will never harm another.”
    I pause; an oath is binding, no matter what, I can’t break it. “Nierra, what if someone attacks me?”
    “Give me your oath or I will never look at you again!”
    Tears run down my face but I nod. “I swear Nierra… that I, Bellona, will never hurt another human being… I swear this on our child’s life.” I cry then, knowing what I have committed too.
    “Good. Good.” Nierra stands, wiping his face. “I have to go,” he says moving towards the door on unsteady legs.
    “No, you said…” I protest, but he cuts me off sharply.
    “I am not leaving you, but right now I can’t look at you.” He walks away from me, slamming the door and I sit there. I don’t cry, for some reason I find myself smiling with relief and knowing it will be okay.

 
     
    Chapter Twelve
     
    The Loss
     
    Nierra avoids me for days, but I accept it. I love him deeply and know no matter what, I have done the right thing. For me I feel lighter, like all of my sins have been lifted, the blood has been wiped from my hands and because of the oath I have made I know I can never harm another person ever again as long as my child lives, and I hope he lives a very long time. I feel protected right now, protected from the other side of me. But I have stationed two guards outside my door at all times, and one to be with me at all times. I can’t protect myself, if someone attacks me I can’t even slap them across the face, my hand wouldn’t be able to move, it would be invisibly tied, once my intent to hurt was there. That is how strong an oath is.
     
    I spend those days in the gardens tending to my own flowers that I have started to grow with the help of a gardener who directs me. She speaks only to answer my questions, no matter how much I try to befriend her. I never had a friend but she seems to find polite answers that won’t offend, but clearly tell me she doesn’t want me as a friend. So I finally give up. The old me would have forced or killed her, but the new me has no choice but to let it be. Taurus, the man I have selected as my personal guard, stands not far from us, he is the one that had saved me the night of my birthday and I feel the safest with him. “My lady.” He is beside me and startles the other woman. “You