couldnât the other me be a better me? I wouldnât mind meeting a better me.â
âYou are that better you, Louise,â Dr. Wilkes said kindly, putting a hand on Louiseâs shoulder. âYouâve beaten down the disturbed, unhappy personality that destroyed your past. You donât even need any medication anymore. But, my dear, unless you can face that past, face all of it, come to grips with it, Iâm afraid these nightmares of yours will never end. Please. At least consider hypnosis.â
Louise wet her dry lips, nodded. âIâ¦Iâll consider it.â
Six
S ophie woke slowly, a small smile playing about her mouth as she snuggled more deeply under the covers and did her best to hold on to a fantastic dream where she felt loved and desired. River was with her, her own Riv, the person she had loved as both a boy and a man.
He held her, he kissed her, he claimed her. He took her higher, higher, their mutual desire feeding on the flames of need, of wantâ¦until that blessed release, that mutual explosion that had been like nothing sheâd ever experienced, ever dreamed she could experience. An awakening. A rocket trip to the moon, the stars. And all with Rivâs arms around her, his body melded against hers, into hers; deeply inside her, filling her, exploding within her. It had been a stolen moment, adream in which her lone wolf had come to her, loved herâ¦
Her eyes snapped open wide and she sat up in the bed, raked her fingers through her hair.
No. It hadnât been a dream. It had happened.
âOh, God, what have I done?â Sophie groaned, falling back against the pillows. âRiv, what the hell have we done?â
She pressed her hands to her chest, willing her heartbeat to slow, marshaling her thoughts, attempting to think rationally about a truly irrational situation. An impulsive act, one she had goaded him into, dared him into.
âBecause Iâm out of my tiny mind,â she told herself in a hoarse whisper. âWhat in hell was I thinking?â
But that was the whole point. She hadnât thought, hadnât wanted to think. Sheâd been bruised and battered. Sheâd been marked, scarred. She needed to feel desirable, needed to have someone hold her, tell her she was beautiful, prove that she could still have a life, still have dreams.
Sheâd told herself she had gone down to the stables to see the horses, to get away from the family, to be alone.
Sheâd lied to herself.
Sheâd gone down to the stables to see River. To use him as a sort of whipping post, to pour out her fears and frustrations, her anger and her despair. Hadnât that been what sheâd always done? Run to Riv. Dumped on Riv. Let Riv make it all better.
Sheâd used him. She used him so badly, goadedhim past all endurance. Wept on his shoulder, clung to him, used her body to tempt him, used their memories to draw him in, make him willing to do anythingâanythingâthat would stop her tears, heal her hurt.
How he must hate her this morning. How justified he would be to hate her.
She hated herself.
âNow thereâs something not entirely new,â she told herself, shaking her head. âYouâve been your own worst enemy for some time now, havenât you? Poor Sophie. Poor, poor, stupid Sophie.â
A knock on the door broke into her self-pity, startling her. Blinking in surprise, Sophie turned and looked at the door to the hallway. She panicked. Could it be River? Her mother? She didnât want to face either of them. âYes? Who is it?â
The doorknob turned and the door slowly opened, Emily Blair Coltonâs chestnut-red head peeked into the room. âItâs okay to come in? I didnât want to wake you, but it is almost noon, you know.â
âIâI had a late night,â Sophie said, watching as her sister came fully into the room. Emily was eight years her junior, and had been adopted