Between Now and Goodbye by Hannah Harvey Page B

down, and either get him to face up to his responsibility as a father, or he has to sign away his claim to custody. It just makes things simpler, if he signs rather than just isn't around.'
    'Maybe he'll come home.' I say.
    'Maybe.' His shoulders lower a little. 'I doubt it.'
    'Ok,' I drum my fingers against his forearm gently, more of a distraction for me, I think, 'and what about school? College?'
    'I'm not going back to school at the end of summer.' He looks from the floor to me. My mouth hangs open, and I can feel my eyes getting wide. Charles is top of all of his classes, he wants to go to college and then medical school. If he could afford it, he'd be going Ivy League. He must see a look on my face, because he speaks before I can, 'Don't try and talk me out of it Libs. I've made up my mind. If by the end of summer my mom's... gone.' He swallows hard, swallowing back the tears, 'Then I have to be around for the kids, because even with my Aunt here, she'll still need me around and I'll have to work to help with money, so no time for school. If my mom's still sick, then I need to be home for her and the kids. I hope that she'll be better. I'm hoping like crazy that she'll respond to treatment and she'll make a full recovery, but if she doesn't then I can't go back to school.'
    'So, what will you do?'
    'I'm going to get my GED at home. I've spoken to the school, and they said that if I need to, I can do my senior year online, just coming in occasionally for meetings with the guidance councillor and basically to touch base. I'll fit in studying around watching the kids and helping my mom, and working. Then...I don't know, if mom gets better I might be able to start college as planned, but if she doesn't beat this.' Another pause. 'Maybe in a few years once April starts kindergarten, I might go to community college part time. Then I may be able to do my medical training at a later date, or I'll do something else. In the meantime, I'll get a part time job. It's going to have to be part time for now, because April will need someone with her while the others are at school, and while I'm at work and I can't pay for a full time sitter or day care for that long. I just won't be able to afford it, not on whatever wage I can make and the welfare that mom gets, and if she doesn't...make it, then the life insurance won't...' He breaks down, big broken sobs racking through him and shaking his whole body. I lunge over the seats again and throw my arms around him.
    'It's ok Char, we'll figure it out. You have Julie and me and my mom and Matt and Julie's parents. We'll figure it out together, ok?'
    'I don't want to lose her.' His arm curls around me, keeping me close as he cries.
    'I know.' I don't know what else to say. I can't say that he won't, because he might. He might lose his mom and I can't even begin to understand what he must be going through. So I don't say anything else. I just hold him tight until my Mom returns to the waiting room. Charles immediately pulls back from me, wipes his eyes and excuses himself, claiming he needs to find a bathroom. I know he just doesn't want anyone else to see him crying.
    'Everything ok?' My mom asks, sitting beside me and taking my hand. I look at her and break down myself. The tears I'd been holding back for Charles' sake are now flowing freely.
    'No.' I shake my head. 'Nothing seems ok anymore.'
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Fourteen – Charles
    The hospital decides to keep my mom in for a couple of days for observation, mostly because they're concerned she's developing an infection. I feel awful walking out of the hospital without her. I feel awful that I can't give her the kind of care that she needs at the moment. I can't give her enough.
    I also feel awful that I broke down in front of Libby today. I've been doing such a good job of holding it together, acting strong even when I feel like I'm about to lose my grip and go absolutely crazy. I've held