Blandings Castle and Elsewhere by P. G. Wodehouse

have gone on to add, his lordship saw the matter from a
different angle, then it was his, Beach's, painful duty to tender his
resignation, to become effective one month from that day.
    But the intervention of Angela made this impossible to a man
of chivalry and heart. A paternal fondness for the girl, dating
from the days when he had stooped to enacting – and very
convincingly, too, for his was a figure that lent itself to the
impersonation – the rôle of a hippopotamus for her childish
amusement, checked the words he would have uttered. She
was looking at him with bright eyes, and even the rendering of
pig-noises seemed a small sacrifice to make for her sake.
    'Very good, your lordship,' he said in a low voice, his face pale
and set in the moonlight. 'I shall endeavour to give satisfaction.
I would merely advance the suggestion, your lordship, that we
move a few steps farther away from the vicinity of the servants'
hall. If I were to be overheard by any of the lower domestics, it
would weaken my position as a disciplinary force.'
    'What chumps we are!' cried Angela, inspired. 'The place to
do it is outside the Empress's sty. Then, if it works, we'll see it
working.'
    Lord Emsworth found this a little abstruse, but after a
moment he got it.
    'Angela,' he said, 'you are a very intelligent girl. Where you
get your brains from, I don't know. Not from my side of the
family.'
    The bijou residence of the Empress of Blandings looked very
snug and attractive in the moonlight. But beneath even the
beautiful things of life there is always an underlying sadness.
This was supplied in the present instance by a long, low trough,
only too plainly full to the brim of succulent mash and acorns.
The fast, obviously, was still in progress.
    The sty stood some considerable distance from the castle
walls, so that there had been ample opportunity for Lord Emsworth
to rehearse his little company during the journey. By the
time they had ranged themselves against the rails, his two
assistants were letter-perfect.
    'Now,' said his lordship.
    There floated out upon the summer night a strange composite
sound that sent the birds roosting in the trees above shooting
off their perches like rockets. Angela's clear soprano rang out like
the voice of the village blacksmith's daughter. Lord Emsworth
contributed a reedy tenor. And the bass notes of Beach probably
did more to startle the birds than any other one item in the
programme.
    They paused and listened. Inside the Empress's boudoir there
sounded the movement of a heavy body. There was an inquiring
grunt. The next moment the sacking that covered the doorway
was pushed aside, and the noble animal emerged.
    'Now!' said Lord Emsworth again.
    Once more that musical cry shattered the silence of the night.
But it brought no responsive movement from Empress of
Blandings. She stood there motionless, her nose elevated, her
ears hanging down, her eyes everywhere but on the trough
where, by rights, she should now have been digging in and
getting hers. A chill disappointment crept over Lord Emsworth,
to be succeeded by a gust of petulant anger.
    'I might have known it,' he said bitterly. 'That young scoundrel
was deceiving me. He was playing a joke on me.'
    'He wasn't,' cried Angela indignantly. 'Was he, Beach?'
    'Not knowing the circumstances, miss, I cannot venture an
opinion.'
    'Well, why has it no effect, then?' demanded Lord Emsworth.
    'You can't expect it to work right away. We've got her stirred
up, haven't we? She's thinking it over, isn't she? Once more will
do the trick. Ready, Beach?'
    'Quite ready, miss.'
    'Then when I say three. And this time, Uncle Clarence, do
please for goodness' sake not yowl like you did before. It was
enough to put any pig off. Let it come out quite easily and
gracefully. Now, then. One, two – three!'
    The echoes died away. And as they did so a voice spoke.
    'Community singing?'
    'Jimmy!' cried Angela, whisking round.
    'Hullo, Angela. Hullo, Lord Emsworth. Hullo,