Breaking Dawn by Donna Shelton Page B

she just didn’t notice or care. Maybe I should’ve said something. I mean, she wouldn’t come over if she didn’t still care for me, right?
    January 18
I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Mom is marrying that asshole and I’m losing my only friend to those jerks at school. For God’s sake! How much more of this can I take?
    February 11
I think Mike cracked a rib. God this hurts! I want to go to the hospital, but I’m afraid to. If I go they will see the other bruises. I’ll have to ditch gym for a while. I’ll see if I can steal a bottle of painkillers from the school nurse tomorrow. Until then, I’ll just try to numb the pain with what I can
.
    February 17
I can’t believe Dawn outed me in front of everyone on the school bus!
The nerve of her! How can I even show my face in school again?
    February 18
I think I’m turning into my mom. I’ve been drinking more than she has lately. She gets so wasted, she doesn’t remember how much she goes through. Today she asked me about some missing bottles and I said the booze has been going down faster since Mike moved in. She believed me! She would be so ticked if she found out it’s been me drinking her whisky. Mom and Mike have been married for a week now and he has already given her a black eye. Serves her right. I have a little buzz going right now, so I’m not feeling much of anything
.
    February 19
Got my ass beat in school by a bunch of jocks. Thank you Dawn for making my life even harder. First it was the laughing and insults and now this. I haven’t talked to Dawn in days and
I don’t care to either. The other day, Mom and Mike got into a fight and Mike put a gun to Mom’s head. When I tried to intervene, he turned the gun on me, pressing the barrel right into my temple. You know what? I wasn’t scared. I didn’t care. I just thought finally I would have some peace. I think a part of me wanted him to pull the trigger. I found out where Mike keeps his gun. I had it out today, playing with it. Maybe I should have it waiting for him when he comes home
.
    February 21
I know what I have to do. For the first time in a very long time, I feel peaceful. My mind has never been so clear
.
    I’ve read it. I’m sitting here. I stop breathing – I don’t know for how long. My eyes start to dry before I realise I’m not even blinking. It’s like my whole body has just ceased to function. Breathe in… out… blink, breathe in… out… blink…
    Why didn’t I see this coming? All the signs were there. Why couldn’t I have done something?
    Perry was just so angry with me. I did try to talk to him, didn’t I? Think, Dawn, think! Maybe if I’d tried harder, put more effort into finding him, pounded on his door harder, called his house more, busted out his bedroom window to crawl inside and force him to talk with me… There were so many things I could’ve done. Should have done. Why didn’t I do them? Why didn’t I tell Perry that I loved him back?
    Maybe if I’d never got involved with Brian or never brought home Perry’s personal life story and laid it on my desk out in the open for Brian to see. Brian. What a dirty word his name’s become to me now. I can’t say it any more without it leaving a foul taste in my mouth. Everything is because of Brian. If only it had stayed just the two of us, Perry and me, none of this would have happened. We were happy. We could have stayed happy. Damn you Brian!
    I grab the notebook and fling it across the room. It flaps through the air and slides across my desk and onto the floor along with some other papers that were on my desk. That isn’t enough though.
    In a rage I grab handfuls of my quilt and pull it off the bed. Then my pillows, throwing them across the room. My bed sheets, the clock radio, the lamp and everything else I can get my hands on – are all thrown across the room. I tear the posters down from my walls and shred them, crushing them in my fists and throwing them to the floor. I pull