Breathe by Sloan Parker

I don"t have the
    money for this.”
    He brushed a stray clump of hair behind Jessica"s ear and kept stroking her
    head. “We"ll work it out.”

    * * *
“Susan! Turn that off. Jay doesn"t want to see it.”
    Jay followed his dad into the living room where his mom sat in front of the
    television, a crushed tissue in her one hand, the TV remote clutched in the other.
    She stared up at them, tears on her cheeks, anger in her eyes. She didn"t make a
    move to do as her husband had said.
    On the television screen, a reporter stood outside a courthouse recapping the
    events of the fatal car crash on State Road 91 and said, “ Justice has finally been
    served for the family of Katherine Miller .”
    Was this all she did? And why now? She knew Jay was on his way over for
    dinner.
    “I said turn it off.” Jay"s dad tried to grab the remote from her.
    She jerked her hand out of reach, playing keep-away from her husband. After
    a minute of their flailing arms, his dad gripped her wrist and wrenched the remote
    from her hand.

    48
    Sloan Parker

    It was amusing until the reporter said the name, “ Lincoln McCaw .”
    His dad was right. He didn"t want to see this. Not after having met the man—
    not after what they"d done in the snow behind Sonny"s Tavern.
    The reporter continued. “ McCaw shed tears as he apologized to the family of
    Katherine Miller .”
    Jay"s dad pointed the remote toward the DVR.
    “No,” Jay said. “Leave it.”
    From where she sat, his mom reached for the remote, slipped it out of her
    husband"s fingers, and held it to her chest as if it were a lifeline, as if it were all she
    had in the world to hold on to.
    Jay moved the wooden chair from in front of the fireplace so he could sit near
    the TV and pretend his parents weren"t behind him.
    In a flash, there he was.
    McCaw.
    Looking so different from the man Jay had kissed—the man who had sucked
    him off in a back parking lot. A slight shiver worked its way through Jay. Goose
    bumps rose up with thoughts of Lincoln McCaw on his knees, but the images faded
    as Jay took in the televised pictures from six months earlier.
    McCaw looked thinner than he did now. His dark hair contrasted with the
    paleness of his face. His eyes were bloodshot. The bags underneath gave him a look
    of intense despair. Tired. Broken. Destroyed. Worse than the first time Jay had seen
    him at the bar.
    As the judge read the sentence, the camera tightened in on McCaw. A slow
    buildup of tears swelled into silent sobs. The newscast cut to McCaw addressing the
    court.
    “ I can’t say I’m sorry enough. There…there aren’t words .” Tears streamed down
    his face, and he batted at them with trembling fists. “ I will never forget that
    moment .” He swatted away the last of his tears, struggling to say more. “ I want the
    family to know how sorry I am for their loss. How if I could go back and make things
    right, I would. I’d give anything to take back what I’ve done. I can only imagine the
    pain, the sorrow I’ve caused .”
    The television screen returned to the reporter who wrapped up the story with
    the standard “ Reporting live, this is …” salutation. Jay"s dad had the remote again,
    and the television went black.
    But all Jay saw were those dark eyes filled with the same haunted look he saw
    in the mirror every morning.

    * * *
Jay cut the engine to his Jeep. If he left it running any longer, he wouldn"t
    have enough gas to get home. He didn"t want to end up stranded outside Lincoln
    McCaw"s house. Especially since he hadn"t made up his mind about knocking on the
    front door. What could he say to the man?

    Breathe

    49

    The truth.
    He owed the guy that much. Jay didn"t think he could stand in McCaw"s
    presence for long without thinking about what they"d done behind Sonny"s Tavern,
    but the man in the courtroom footage deserved closure. They all did.
    Jay climbed out of the Jeep, headed for the porch, and took a deep breath as he
    rang the bell. The front