Brock: A Bad Boy Romance by Amy Kyle

tears just wouldn’t stop.  He wished he could hug her, comfort her even, but knew it would be too forward.
    Instead Derrick looked down at the table and allowed his mind to float back to the time in his life that had been normal.  It seemed like a lifetime ago, even though it had only been a few years.  Those years he had been happy, living a normal life, one that had him smiling each and every morning he woke up.  He would gladly go back to those days, but they were too far away now. 
    It hit him like it did every time he would think back, the pain and anguish was always quick to replace the feeling of happiness he would first feel when he thought back.  Now it was a mixture of shame, anger, grief, depression, and a bit more anger in the mix.
    Had he done it differently, would he be where he was right now?  It was part of the overall process of his grieving during this memory.  He thought he had considered every option there was in this situation, but maybe the right one hadn’t come to his mind yet.  So he would scour every recess of his mind to think of the other things that he might have done all those years ago. 
    What would he do with that new plan though?  It wasn’t like he could turn back time and go to that one fatal night.  No so why did he do it each and every time?  Derrick often chastised himself about this type of thinking, but he would never change the pattern.  Each time he would do this to himself, each and every step was the same, however, that didn’t mean he ever stopped it.
    If he sat long enough he could see her long brown hair flowing behind her as they rode in the car.  She was so beautiful, so much of his heart belonged to her, that after all this time just the memory of her would make it ache.  Tears threatened to escape from his eyes, but he would stop them.  It had been too long; he shouldn’t even waste his time on this.  But he had to do it.
    She had turned to smile at him and say something; he had looked over at her too.  Taken his eyes off the road, only for a split second, but that had been long enough.  Derrick tried to turn the memory off, stop it; he didn’t want to see anymore. 
    He cleared his mind, and looked up at the girl sitting across from him.  He wondered what her story was, why had this guy simply left her on the side of the road.
    Derrick took a deep breath in, trying to stop the memory that was trying to push the way to the front of his mind.  He couldn’t do it right now, there was no way.  He wasn’t ready to live the rest of that night, not right here, not now.  It took him several minutes to compose himself enough that he could look up at her once again.
    He looked up and saw her brown eyes, shinning, and staring right at him.  She was studying him, he felt raw and open, like she could see into his inner core.  He felt a blast of quick shame, and looked down to shake his head once again. 
    There weren’t many people who would ever see that part of him, in fact he couldn’t think of one.  But he had not been paying attention.  Had wanted to give her the time she needed to think of her pain, relive her past.  Derrick had taken too long in his own past though, and she had finished hers.  After all it was much fresher for her, it had happened recently, today even. 
    I know how this feels, Derrick thought to himself.  Maybe I can help her.  But he knew he shouldn’t do it.  Instead he should simply pay for her coffee, give her a few dollars and leave her there.  She would eventually find her way back to wherever she was from.  It really wasn’t his problem, and he should just stay out of it.
    But he looked back up at her, and saw the flash of pain in her eyes.  Was it for him or for her?  He wasn’t sure.  But he saw the compassion that also came across her eyes.  It had been so long since he had seen that look.  It made him tingle inside.  The good guy in him won the battle at that very moment.  He wouldn’t be able to