Broken by Matthew Storm

outside. Maybe more.
    I took a
few steps outside and looked up and down the street, trying to get a count of
the cars. “What the hell?” I asked.
    “Someone
tried to kill a cop,” Dan said from behind me. “This is what happens.”
    I
glanced back at him. “I’m not a cop anymore.”
    He stepped
forward and looked into my eyes. “You will always be a cop, Nevada.”
    Turning
around, I saw that everyone was staring at me now. Nobody spoke. The silence
was almost unbelievably awkward. Were they expecting me to make a speech? Wave?
Dance a jig?
    “What
was that you asked me earlier at HQ?” Dan asked. “Wasn’t it whether I thought
there was anyone in that building who wanted to help you?”
    “I think
it was something like that,” I said softly.
    Dan
sighed. “You’re a fucking idiot, Nevada.”
    “I
know,” I admitted.
    “What do
you think about the Davies case?” he asked, just a little too suddenly.
    Bad
transition , I thought. He wasn’t sure whether to believe me about Todd and
wanted to see if I’d slip up now that I was off my guard. Not likely. “I think
it’s a domestic problem,” I said. “I’ll track Heather down and make sure she
and the kid are all right. Shouldn’t take more than a day or two.”
    “All
right,” Dan said. I wasn’t sure if he believed me, but I hadn’t really given
him a reason not to. And if I was acting off, I was more than a little drunk
right now.
    “All
right,” I repeated. It seemed like we said that a lot, even though things were
never really all right.
    “I’m
going to stick a couple uniforms on your house tonight,” he told me.
    “You
don’t need to…” I began, but then I caught myself. It would make him feel
better, and he might get suspicious if I refused too strongly. “Just for
tonight, okay? I don’t think Todd has anyone coming to avenge him.”
    “Just
tonight,” he nodded. “And tomorrow I want you to come in and talk to someone
about what happened here.”
    “Sarah
will call me when she needs to follow up. I’ll go in and talk to her then.”
    “Not
about the…not about the investigation. I want you to sit with a department
psychologist.”
    “Oh, for
god’s sake,” I said. “I told you I’m fine.”
    “You
spent six months in the psych ward,” he said. “And some of that time was in a
padded room. So I want you to talk to someone.”
    I
sighed. Arguing with him now was going to get me nowhere. “I have a therapist.”
    “You
seen her recently?”
    “No.”
    “So go
see her.”
    “Fine.”
    “Promise
me.”
    “Fuck
off,” I said. “You already had a promise today.”
    He
looked at me sternly. “Tell me you’ll go see her.”
    “Fine.”
    “Say the
whole sentence.”
    “I’ll go
see my therapist,” I said.
    “Okay.”
    I looked
back at the street. “Can you get this riff-raff out of here?” I asked, waving
at the assembled police cars. “My neighbors are going to be pissed.”
    “Your
neighbors have the pleasure of living in the safest neighborhood in San Diego
tonight,” he said. “They should be happy.”
    “That
will last about ten minutes,” I said, “and then they’ll start bitching about
the parking.”
    “We’ll
be out of your hair soon.”
    “Okay.
And, Dan?”
    “Yeah?”
he asked.
    I looked
at my feet. “Thanks for coming.”
    His brow
wrinkled. “Did you really think I wouldn’t?”
    “No.”
    “People
care about you, Nevada. As much as you’ve tried to shut yourself off from the
rest of the world, we’re still here.”
    “I
know.”
    “Do
you?” he asked, searching my face. “Do you know that?”
    I looked
away. “I’ll show the CSI guys out when they’re done. Then I’m going to bed.”
    He
sighed. “Good night, Nevada.”
    “Good
night.” I left him on the doorstep and went back inside where CSI was finishing
up. They had taped an outline of Todd’s body onto the carpet where he had
fallen. I didn’t want to look at it.
    I took a
seat on my couch to wait, and