Call of the White by Felicity Aston

is that we must try.’ Her face broke into a big smile and she laughed as if her story had been a joke but I could tell that she had meant every word.
    The second woman was Lina, an engineer and adventure-racer who had led a team from Singapore in the 2000 Eco-Challenge (notorious as one of the most demanding adventure races in the world). She had been a strong contender from the moment I read her application form and meeting her didn’t change my mind. Lina was instantly likeable. I could sense her quiet determination to succeed at whatever she put her mind to but she was also modest and good-humoured. I could easily imagine Lina as a well liked and dependable member of the team and felt lucky to have found her.
    That night I was invited to a dinner party at the home of the director of the British Council. The other guests were a careful blend of adventurers, academics and community workers. Among the adventurers was a man who had led the first Singapore team to the top of Mount Everest. As soon as we started talking he began questioning me, in detail, about my plans and telling me about his own leadership experiences. As soon as he uttered the words, ‘I used to be exactly like you… until one day I woke up in my tent and smelled the coffee,’ I began to form a dislike which was later confirmed during dinner when he quite suddenly, from the opposite end of the table asked me, ‘So, Felicity, have you ever had to sack a team member?’ The question was asked in the manner of an accusation, as if, by saying that I had not, I was admitting a woeful inexperience (he controversially sacked one member of his team just before leaving for Mount Everest). He clearly felt me to be unequal to the task of leading an expedition with such a complex team and seemed to want to make sure the others present came to the same conclusion. I am not sure why, but throughout my life I have often been underestimated – perhaps because I have chosen to place myself in situations where I do not fit the expected norm. Whatever the reason, I have learned to use the frustration I feel in response as additional motivation to succeed.
    At the end of the evening the guest presented me with a signed copy of his latest book and I got the distinct impression that he probably wouldn’t have bothered if he hadn’t already inscribed a message to me on the front cover. I kept it as a reminder to myself to be confident in my own abilities, regardless of the scepticism of others. However, months later, I would have cause to think back on his question at dinner that evening and laugh ruefully at how similar our expedition leadership experiences were about to become.
    Brunei
    Within hours of landing in Brunei I started to realise the difficulty involved in doing any kind of business in a Muslim country during the month of Ramadan. Wandering into the city centre to find a local SIM card for my mobile phone I found that all the shops had been shut since early afternoon. The early closing didn’t just apply to shops; offices, museums, visitor centres and ferries were all the same. As the mid-afternoon heat approached 40ºC, most people were understandably drowsy and had gone home to rest until they could break their fast at nightfall. With everyone at home, the streets were left empty and quiet.
    Bandar Seri Begawan is the capital of Brunei but it’s not a big city. Downtown is little more than a shopping mall and a mosque, while across the river there is a sprawling settlement of wooden buildings on stilts connected to each other by a maze of narrow bridges and raised walkways. Most of the buildings are houses but there are also shops, mosques, schools – even a police station with white and blue police boats moored up beneath the stilts and a fire department painted red.
    As arranged, Karen met me in the lobby of my hotel. She was the director of a well-established educational charity in Brunei and had kindly offered