Castle Kidnapped by John Dechancie
Authors: John Dechancie
course."
âYou're breaking up a little."
After a pause Zond replied, âI've changed frequencies. Better?"
âBetter."
âWhere are you, if I may ask?"
âIn a cave. I don't know exactly where, but it can't be far from the rover, because I was brought here on horseback. Or whatever. How come you didn't tell me about the people?"
âPeople?â Zond asked calmly.
âYeah! They're Umoi. They gotta be!"
âThe Umoi are extinct."
âYou getting a picture?"
âOf course."
âWhat is this, chopped liver?"
âIs that an allusion?"
âAre these artifacts the work of intelligent beings, or what?"
âThose artifacts , if you want to call them such, are the work of artificial life forms."
âArtificial life forms."
âYou got it,â Zond said. âThey're called yalim , and were created by the Umoi from genetic material found in some of the more highly developed fauna of this world. They were servants, underpeople, nothing more. When the last Umoi died, they reverted to a feral state."
âI see. Artificial life forms. Like ... androids."
âThat term isn't as clear as it could be, but yes, androids."
âGreat. The Umoi looked like frogs with leprosy. What sort of blasphemous horrors are these freaks going to resemble?"
âTurn around and look."
âProbably some sort of crawling, gelatinousâhuh?"
Gene craned his neck around and nearly fell over.
It was a woman, a fully human one, though of rather exotic racial type, wearing a minimalist haiku of an outfit. It consisted of hemispheres of burnished copper over the breasts, skimpy black leather briefs, white fur cape, and black leather boots. Bedecked with necklaces of uncut stones, copper bracelets jangling at her wrists, she approached. She stopped, planting her feet wide apart, and stood arms akimbo. She regarded Gene coldly.
Her face was stunningly beautiful, black almond eyes over a perfect nose and full plum lips, but the skin was even more miraculous, the color of coffee with heavy cream, a rich golden brew that glowed with life. Her looks were neither Oriental nor Caucasian, nor any other earthly physiognomic variation.
Gene unhung his jaw and tried to get up. He couldn't.
Two other women had entered the chamber, and even though they were practically naked, Gene gave them barely a glance.
âWhy the hell didn't you tell me?â Gene muttered.
âAbout what?â Zond answered. âAbout yalim? They are of no consequence whatever."
âHas it struck you yet that these yalim have something in common with yours truly?"
âWell, now that you mention it. I suppose."
âUnbelievable."
The woman was frowning ominously.
âActually,â Zond went on, âthe genetic similarities are fairly superficial. In factâ"
âShhh! Looks like she's getting pissed off."
The woman jabbed a finger at him and barked something dictatorial.
âUh, Zond?"
âWhat is it, Gene-person?"
âWhat did she say? Can you help me out here?"
âSure. The language is of course a corruption of Received Standard Umoi, almost unrecognizable in its linguisticâ"
âTranslate, for Pete's sake!"
âShe told you to shut up."
âSheâ? Oh."
The woman spoke again, shooting orders at him. Gene got the impression that whatever she had told him to do, he was supposed to do it quick, and no nonsense.
âWell?â Gene said under his breath.
âShe wants to know what you were doing inside one of the machines of the Old Gods, and if you don't have a good explanation, she's going to cut your ... uh, sever your generative organs from your body. In so many words."
âWhoa!â A wide, coprographic grin spread across Gene's face. âHi, there! Nice to meet you. Uh, lookâ"
The woman spoke again. The language sounded a little like German, with a lot of Finno-Ugric added for spice.
âShe wants to know what tribe you're
âYou're breaking up a little."
After a pause Zond replied, âI've changed frequencies. Better?"
âBetter."
âWhere are you, if I may ask?"
âIn a cave. I don't know exactly where, but it can't be far from the rover, because I was brought here on horseback. Or whatever. How come you didn't tell me about the people?"
âPeople?â Zond asked calmly.
âYeah! They're Umoi. They gotta be!"
âThe Umoi are extinct."
âYou getting a picture?"
âOf course."
âWhat is this, chopped liver?"
âIs that an allusion?"
âAre these artifacts the work of intelligent beings, or what?"
âThose artifacts , if you want to call them such, are the work of artificial life forms."
âArtificial life forms."
âYou got it,â Zond said. âThey're called yalim , and were created by the Umoi from genetic material found in some of the more highly developed fauna of this world. They were servants, underpeople, nothing more. When the last Umoi died, they reverted to a feral state."
âI see. Artificial life forms. Like ... androids."
âThat term isn't as clear as it could be, but yes, androids."
âGreat. The Umoi looked like frogs with leprosy. What sort of blasphemous horrors are these freaks going to resemble?"
âTurn around and look."
âProbably some sort of crawling, gelatinousâhuh?"
Gene craned his neck around and nearly fell over.
It was a woman, a fully human one, though of rather exotic racial type, wearing a minimalist haiku of an outfit. It consisted of hemispheres of burnished copper over the breasts, skimpy black leather briefs, white fur cape, and black leather boots. Bedecked with necklaces of uncut stones, copper bracelets jangling at her wrists, she approached. She stopped, planting her feet wide apart, and stood arms akimbo. She regarded Gene coldly.
Her face was stunningly beautiful, black almond eyes over a perfect nose and full plum lips, but the skin was even more miraculous, the color of coffee with heavy cream, a rich golden brew that glowed with life. Her looks were neither Oriental nor Caucasian, nor any other earthly physiognomic variation.
Gene unhung his jaw and tried to get up. He couldn't.
Two other women had entered the chamber, and even though they were practically naked, Gene gave them barely a glance.
âWhy the hell didn't you tell me?â Gene muttered.
âAbout what?â Zond answered. âAbout yalim? They are of no consequence whatever."
âHas it struck you yet that these yalim have something in common with yours truly?"
âWell, now that you mention it. I suppose."
âUnbelievable."
The woman was frowning ominously.
âActually,â Zond went on, âthe genetic similarities are fairly superficial. In factâ"
âShhh! Looks like she's getting pissed off."
The woman jabbed a finger at him and barked something dictatorial.
âUh, Zond?"
âWhat is it, Gene-person?"
âWhat did she say? Can you help me out here?"
âSure. The language is of course a corruption of Received Standard Umoi, almost unrecognizable in its linguisticâ"
âTranslate, for Pete's sake!"
âShe told you to shut up."
âSheâ? Oh."
The woman spoke again, shooting orders at him. Gene got the impression that whatever she had told him to do, he was supposed to do it quick, and no nonsense.
âWell?â Gene said under his breath.
âShe wants to know what you were doing inside one of the machines of the Old Gods, and if you don't have a good explanation, she's going to cut your ... uh, sever your generative organs from your body. In so many words."
âWhoa!â A wide, coprographic grin spread across Gene's face. âHi, there! Nice to meet you. Uh, lookâ"
The woman spoke again. The language sounded a little like German, with a lot of Finno-Ugric added for spice.
âShe wants to know what tribe you're
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