Chaos by Barbara Huffert Page B

“I told you. We
understand that you’re in unfamiliar territory here and you don’t even have
your camera to protect you.” He held up his hand to stop her protest. “I think
we should change the subject, before you say something mean and hurt my
feelings. Unless either of you objects, can I suggest that we stop and pick up
dinner? I know Shane said he has food but I’m sure it is something entirely too
healthy for a Friday night. We’ll get a movie too.”
    “Sounds good to me. Alyssa?” Jesse agreed.
    “Yeah. Great,” she said, miserably. “I really am sorry.”

Chapter Eight
     
    Shane was exhausted. It was time to seriously think about
finding a new job. Or maybe he’d take a year off and drift. He couldn’t remember
a time when he hadn’t wanted to be a cop. Unfortunately he had never considered
how small and insignificant it would make him feel. His mother had tried to
warn him. Often in fact. He thought he’d listened but obviously not well
enough. Or not to the important parts. Now he finally understood why she’d
tried to discourage him from joining the force in the city. He’d honestly
thought she was being selfish, not wanting him to be so far from home when
she’d told him about an opening in a neighboring town. Selfish, yeah, right.
She had known this would happen eventually and had only been trying to protect
him from himself. He really was too kind-hearted for what he’d ended up in the
middle of.
    The only thing that bothered him more was the way that his
fellow cops didn’t seem to mind that they’d been forced to shoot and kill
children tonight. Granted, they were heavily armed children, involved in trying
to intercept a heroin delivery from a rival gang, but children nonetheless. Why
didn’t the others seem to feel anything when they found the evidence of the
shootout that had taken place before they could prevent it? God, he was
beginning to hate this job!
    Unready to face the questions he knew Alyssa would spring on
him as soon as he walked in, Shane sat in his truck and pulled out his phone.
“Mom, hi, it’s me.”
    “Shane, what’s wrong?” Rose McKade was instantly awake.
    “Nothing, I…ah shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about
what time it is. Go back to sleep, I’ll call you in the morning.”
    “Wait.” His mother made it clear that she was not going to
let him hang up so easily. “What is it?”
    “Nothing, Mom, really. It was just a really long, really bad
day.” He tried to outwait her but couldn’t. “We killed some kids tonight. Well,
gang members actually. Not me but two of the other guys who were with me. They
shot first but… Christ, Mom, they were kids!”
    “Honey, you already know what you want to hear. I’m not
going say it though. I know you want me to but I won’t do it. You know this has
to be your decision and you know your father and I love you and would do
anything to make this easier for you but I am not the one who can give you the
permission to walk away. You need to do that yourself, for yourself. I know you
take your job seriously and you believe in what you’re trying to do. Shane, you
can’t do it all yourself. You, personally, on your own, cannot save every kid
who’s in over his head. You keep forgetting that Jordan wasn’t really asking
you to save him…”
    “I know. He just wanted me to pay attention to him. I really
do get that now. I just wish… This is going to sound so stupid but I really do
wish I could just help one of them.”
    “Have you met one who wants help yet? There’s nothing you
can do until you do.”
    “I know that too, Mom. Do you know how much I wish I’d
listened to what you were trying to tell me when I told you I got this job?”
    “No more than I wish I’d been mistaken when I was telling
you that.” Shane could hear his father in the background. Great, now he could
feel guilty for waking him too. “Your dad wants to say something. We’re here,
Shane, any time. Don’t ever