Chimera by John Barth

enough when one was in the sportive mood, as Calyxa seemed more or less continuously to be; a mere embarrassment when one was not. Truly I believe she would have reliquaried my stools if I’d allowed her (I hadn’t guessed gods shat).
    “You divinities take sex too seriously,” she chided when I swore at that second slump. I supposed to her, not unbitterly, that nymphs like herself were accustomed to a rounder rogering from the deities they attended, and made clear, perhaps overprotested, that I myself was unused entirely to impotence, could not account for it.
    “O, you’ll be heavenly once you’re aroused, I can see that,” she soothed. Not her fault at all, I assured her; indeed, never since my first nights with Andromeda, so long years past, had I couched so lively, lean, and tight a miss; moreover, Andromeda and I, I fondly recollected, had begun as equal amateurs and learned love’s lore together, whereas Calyxa’s skill bespoke much prior experience …
    Gaily she enjoined me from pout. “Believe it or not, I was a virgin until twenty-two.” Cheerfully she acknowledged then that all her girlhood she’d so adored myself, Sabazius, and horny Ammon, and had in addition been so preoccupied with sports and studies, she’d let no ordinary mortal know her (I’d not heard mortals could lay hands on nymphs); then one evening, as she was sweeping out the sheep-god’s shrine (shrines in heaven? dust on Mount Olympus?), which she ministered along with mine and Beer-Boy’s, Ammon himself had appeared and to her great delight had rammed her. Thus initiate, she’d gladly become not merely tender of our three temples but priestess-prostitute as well, holily giving herself, in the honorable tradition of her earthly counterparts, to the truest of our male admirers between tuppings by two-thirds of the deities themselves.
    “Sabazius too!” I protested. Ammon I could be purely jealous of, despite my old grievance concerning his advice to Cassiopeia, for the images I’d seen of him in Joppa showed a fine-fettled fellow with handsome ram’s-horns coiling from his swarthy curls. But not only had Sabazius fermented no end of trouble for me back in Argos; I winced to picture that old priapist a-puff on my neat nymph.
    She giggled. “You think you’re impotent! But don’t make so much of it, Perseus!” Along with swimming and foot-racing, she candidly admitted, she liked few pleasures more than the chains of orgasms Ammon and one or two of her mortal partners could set her catenating. She and Sabazius, on the other hand, made do with beery conversations, burps, and blow-jobs, which, the first being long and friendly, the last short and sweet, pleased her in their way quite as well as Ammon’s frisk fierce fucks.
    “You worry too much,” she told me on the second night, when, flaccid once again, I’d advised her vexedly to forsake me and revert to Ammonism. “In the first place, I’ve never stopped being an Ammonite and never will—or a Sabazian, either, even though neither of them keeps in touch with me any more.” I was not, she gently reminded me, the only god in her pantheon; on the other hand, it made fier happy beyond imagine merely to be with me on my altar-couch; to know her deity— any of her private trinity—as a “warm human person,” “off his pedestal,” in her terms. Besides, was I really so naïve as to equate love-making, like a callow lad, with mere prolonged penetration?
    Yes. “I’m a hero !” I indicated with a sweep of my relieved glories, whose first extension she had revealed to me that day. “Virtuoso performance is my line of work!”
    She removed my dexter hand, it being an article of her creed, even with deities, to allow no sheepish, merely dutiful clitorizing. “The more you think of sex as a performance,” she advised me, “the more you’ll suffer stage fright on your opening nights. Just hug up close, now, and fill me in on what I showed you today.”
    Sigh, I did,